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Teen Poetry #7

Goodbye

SixtiesChick03
Junior Member

since 2003-03-27

Posts 49
NV

0 posted 2004-01-20 02:37 AM

we knew eachother in our memories,

thinking about you made me feel happy.

i only wish i could of said goodbye,

before you went to your home beyond the sky.

now that your in true paradise

with an undieing faith

i know i can always think about you and know that your safe.

When we finally meet again,

much more time we will spend,

in the land of no tears or pain

youll smile happy

and we shall feel no shame.

J.Samm
Member

since 2004-01-12

Posts 415
Iloilo City, Philippines

1 posted 2004-01-20 08:41 AM

so sad... you poured it out well. a good write!

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 988
nowhere special

2 posted 2004-01-20 06:30 PM

wow, that is so beautuful, but then again all of your work is! I really like this one, you expressed your feelings beautifully! I am sorry about your loss, but you will see him again one day!
xoxoxo
~kissa~

**~kissa~**
*I wanna be a little more like me, and a little less like YOU!*~ Linkin Park

ascending_ecstasy
Member

since 2004-01-21

Posts 102

3 posted 2004-01-21 11:51 PM

Your poem was good. But you must not try and force it to rhyme. Make sure that you let it flow from within, not force from the outside. Good on you, and keep it up. Oh and also, consider your structure. It needs a bit of work. don't worry about how long the lines are, just let it flow, as i said before.

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