navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » amnesia proletariat
Teen Poetry #7
Post A Reply Post New Topic amnesia proletariat Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
duncan idaho
Member
since 2003-11-14
Posts 70
dune

0 posted 2004-01-15 07:06 PM



in the unlikely event
that sarcasm is an
unfitting dress
amnesia proletariat
amnesia proletariat
coughing up the coffins cottoncandy coated
teeth
the reflection of your enamel
made no reflection in our mirror

malfunction

these pockets
were clinching
all filled with fists these decibels
were rotted in the
canals of my teeth
amnesia proletariat
amnesia proletariat
sharpened on the
hides of men
in the full of this
moon we will make amends
malfunction
whispered in the ear,
300 MHz


edit that! you moderator gestapo!

© Copyright 2004 duncan idaho - All Rights Reserved
Ringo
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes
1 posted 2004-01-15 07:15 PM


This is a very decent write. I look forward to reading more.

and "Moderator Gestapo"???? Geez... I'm not even German.  

Cause in my dreams it's always there
The evil face that twists my mind
And brings me to despair.

duncan idaho
Member
since 2003-11-14
Posts 70
dune
2 posted 2004-01-15 07:21 PM


haha
do you love david hasslehoff?
i heard he's famous in your country

duncan idaho
Member
since 2003-11-14
Posts 70
dune
3 posted 2004-01-15 09:48 PM


you better run from this ink cartridge funeral.
Greeneyes
Deputy Moderator 50 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
4 posted 2004-01-15 10:55 PM


@ the david H comment.....
enjoyed your words.....

~*~
In your light I learn how to love
In your beauty how to make poems
You dance inside my chest where
no one sees you and that sight becomes art

drummerboy678
Member
since 2003-10-28
Posts 134

5 posted 2004-01-16 12:45 PM


Wow dude, this is awesome.  I really enjoyed some of your lines in this.  Good choice of words.  They all flow together and sound well together.

Nice

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
6 posted 2004-01-16 09:11 AM


We have a very special website here at PiPtalk.  We encourage our members to express their personal opinions poetically, prosaically, or in discussion. We have very few hard and fast rules on these boards, but we do stand firmly in our expectation that we give our fellow members respect and tolerance at all times.  

Let's please remember that our moderators are here voluntarily, to ensure that everyone is able to share their work in a family-oriented environment.  I'm sure that everyone will agree that profanity happens to fall short of "family-oriented," and that name-calling falls short of "respect and tolerance."

Let's share our work and enjoy what others have to bring to our forums productively, shall we?  

duncan idaho
Member
since 2003-11-14
Posts 70
dune
7 posted 2004-01-16 02:01 PM


all righty then.  lets copy and paste some more crap ,Nan.  I could use a good laugh.

yeah, i'm sitting here writing poetry with my family?

i'll go get my drug-addict father to write you a pretty poem.

Ron
Administrator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-05-19
Posts 8669
Michigan, US
8 posted 2004-01-16 04:08 PM


Go ahead. But you'll have to post it somewhere else.

Bye-bye.

Lexy
Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038
California
9 posted 2004-01-16 05:40 PM


I must say, this is the best poem I have read from you so far. Nice work.
It's very...symbolic.


kissa~rachelle
Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988
nowhere special
10 posted 2004-01-16 07:16 PM


I liked this poem... a lot. I dont understand that whole "family-oriented" thingy. Familys do not get on the computer together and read it, and none ever really write poetry together. Maybe about eachother, but not with. Arent poems something people write with emotion, and almost all of them are how we feel. I dont think it is right to say that you cant write part of the poem, because it is not "FAmily Orientated"  It is how they feel, and if you dont like it then you shouldnt read it. No one is making you. I dont mean what i say to sound rude, it is just MY opinion about it. Like i said, i liked your poem, one of your best yet actually.
~kissa~

**~kissa~**
*I wanna be a little more like me, and a little less like YOU!*~ Linkin Park

Greeneyes
Deputy Moderator 50 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
11 posted 2004-01-16 11:18 PM


kissa

its all about respect, this is a family site granted we do not sit down with family members at the PC but you should consider people here family, and not to mention it is something you agreed to.....if you dont want to be a part of it, I am sure you can find somewhere else to post, however, I can bet 100% you will NOT find a site anywhere like the this!!

~*~
In your light I learn how to love
In your beauty how to make poems
You dance inside my chest where
no one sees you and that sight becomes art

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
12 posted 2004-01-17 08:09 AM


To be more specific, kissa - Family-oriented also means that we have members of all ages reading here.  Our youngest members are between 6-10, and we want them to be as comfortable readig here as our eldest nonagenarian.

We don't post profanity or depict violence.  It's really not any more complicated than that....

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988
nowhere special
13 posted 2004-01-17 01:03 PM


yes, Im sure i wouldnt. I dont apreciate the way you said that or wrote that either. I was just stating my opinion thank you, and if i would have known you would take it so offensivley and be that rude about it, i wouldnt have wrote it. I agree that people shouldn't use profanity, i try not to anyway, and as i said before, I dont UNDERSTAND what family orientated means. I do now, but when i wrote it i didnt, and if i remember correctly, i said i didnt understad it! All i was trying to say was that i didnt understand why Nan said what she said. Oh, and thank you for telling me what it means Nan. I appreciate it.
~kissa~

**~kissa~**
*I wanna be a little more like me, and a little less like YOU!*~ Linkin Park

thinktwice
Member
since 2003-12-23
Posts 125
United States
14 posted 2004-01-17 10:57 PM


i can't believe people are still arguing over the whole "family oriented" thing. it's been argued countlessly by both sides. i'm tired of reading posts with comments about the "stupid" editing of this site. if you don't like it, post somewhere else. in the mean time, lets just read and comment on people's writings.

this was one of the most original writings i've read. i loved it. it reminded me of thom york's stuff for some reason, i don't know why (that's a good thing).

--Adam  

Ringo
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes
15 posted 2004-01-17 11:43 PM


Adam- This is a very good write, and duncan was told so by numerous people. The point that you might have missed is that original version of this did not follow the guidelines that everyone agrees to when they join the site. When he was reminded about the regs, he very quickly made the needed edit, and the write did not suffer for it.
After this write was revised, there were personal attacks and name-calling incidences that occured.. it was THESE that caused the discussion to be rejoined...
And while you have been with Passions for four months, most of the people who are involved in this discussion and who are being asked to revise their writings are relatively new to the site, and have not seen this issue as many times as we have...
I agree that everyone should just read the poetry that is posted, and reply to it, however, as long as there are people who question why a particular write was pulled, or edited, or whatever (as I did when I first had one done almost a year ago, we are, unfortunately, going to have this discussion.

Cause in my dreams it's always there
The evil face that twists my mind
And brings me to despair.

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » amnesia proletariat

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary