navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » Please help name
Teen Poetry #7
Post A Reply Post New Topic Please help name Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
the_fortress
Junior Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 28


0 posted 2004-01-11 11:10 PM



My body filled with sorrow
My heart is yours to borrow
I don't believe I need it anymore

It's reached it's capacity
It can do no good to me
Take it so you will not be alone

You smile is in my head
I am happy i'm not dead
My life will be fulfilled

I've reached my final bidding
A conclusion has arrived
We could be together one on one again

I'll love you in the morning
Or in the afternoon
I'll love you in the springtime
When the winters through
I will love you always
Through the thick and thin
Believing this is greatful
And I will soon begin

© Copyright 2004 the_fortress - All Rights Reserved
Snickers123
Member
since 2004-05-07
Posts 94
United States-Iowa
1 posted 2004-07-06 03:53 PM


not bad, the last paragraph was my favorite! keep writing

~*.:Leah:.*~

*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
2 posted 2004-07-07 06:38 PM


I have to agree with Leah on this one, the last paragraph was my favorite too.  It (the last paragraph) kinda reminded me of the Dr. Suess book Green Eggs and Ham.  The way the poem flowed was kinda like the rhyme in the book (the rhythem and stuff).
I mean that as a compliment!! Don't get me wrong!! lol!!

About the name...hmm...let me think about that and I'll get back to you in a couple days!

Overall, great poem! I give it a thumbsup!


~Alli~

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » Please help name

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary