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Teen Poetry #7
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Bitter Sweetness of My Twisted Soul
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Bitter Sweetness of My Twisted Soul |
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muchos Member
since 2003-11-29
Posts 102 |
Standing with attention pointed up high I wished and wished upon that fallen star, With all my heart and a twinkly eye. And hoped that wish can travel far. I yearn for 3 words I have been waiting to hear. The magic of love, and your softened role It's the compelling voice of my hearts twisted soul. Pour out your thoughts and your enlightened mind, If this is done, we will beautifully intertwine. I crave the smell of sweet agony, That of bended thoughts burned into my memory Can you forgive, but never forget? I will love you for always and forever stay content If you give your heart fully and fall into grace I'll give you my hand and kiss your brightened face So I promise to love and be ever so sweet As long as you love me and promise never to cheat |
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| © Copyright 2004 *Ashley Allin* - All Rights Reserved | |||
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young_blood Senior Member
since 2003-09-19
Posts 1115Indianapolis, IN |
once again, it flowed very smoothly. i really liked the starting of it. i think you should have continued with the thought of wishes going only so far and such. -alex now im alone, but not lonely like before |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
Hmmm....I like it, it flows well and it is very sweet. I would say though just to add my two cents, that the ending seems to end abruptly. Almost like you were closing it but you forgot to add that last line in. Just my thoughts, overall though I thought it was really touching. I happen to be slightly a romantic at heart so I can relate to this one. ~Live and Laugh~ Because of you I laugh a little harder, smile a little more, and cry a little less |
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the_fortress Junior Member
since 2003-12-31
Posts 28 |
Amazing. I really loved it. Continue to write, your really good. |
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