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pammy
Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 50
California

0 posted 2003-12-21 10:33 PM

i was really mad when i wrote this so plz excuse the cussing,people who are always fake just really aggrivate me.

Fake

What the hell's the point of being fake?
I mean seriuoly for Gods sake.
Life would be so much easier if you didn't try so hard,
Why the [edited] do you have to please everyone?

You tell people lies to make you look good.
You spread rumors and are always rude.
Why do you have to hide your own insecurities, by highlighting the rest of the worlds?

Not a thought in your head about anyone else,
you do whatever works for you.
Alwasy thinking about whtat else you can do,
to make people like you.
Cuz you know if you lost your bogus act,
[edited] would begin to brew.
People would see who you really were,
and then treat you the way you treat me.

[This message has been edited by skyshine (12-21-2003 11:30 PM).]

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

1 posted 2003-12-22 12:50 PM

I like the poem, I can relate to it.
But I don't tend to think that cussing in a poem, helps to express the emotions. Where's the challenge of expressing emotions differently when alot of people cuss? Can you think of different words to put there that still get the emotions across?
Just suggestions.
Once again, good poem.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

pammy
Member

since 2003-11-27

Posts 50
California

2 posted 2003-12-22 12:53 PM

thank you vey much for your response and your point of view. if you can think of other words that i can put in there plz let me know

Barbara
Junior Member

since 2003-01-24

Posts 32

3 posted 2003-12-22 10:28 AM

I really can relate 2. Thats the way I feel about my exboyfriend. He is the same person you wrote about. And I really hate that hes like that!!!

Thank you for sharing

Ringo

Member Elite

since 2003-02-20

Posts 3684
Saluting with misty eyes

4 posted 2003-12-22 10:49 AM

Pammy- a really decent write... Instead of the edited words, possibly:
"Why do you have to please everyone?" (Take the swear out altoghter)

"Cause you know if you lost your bogus act
Hate would begin to brew"
Just my suggestions.

Does anyone really know what time it is?
Does anyone really care?

yankees01rugby
Junior Member

since 2003-08-13

Posts 48
USA

5 posted 2003-12-22 09:59 PM

hey i like this one. i feel the same way about people most of the time!

Love is like quicksand, the deeper you fall the harder it is to get out

keoni
Senior Member

since 2000-10-16

Posts 850
Up in the mountains in the NFC

6 posted 2004-02-08 07:08 PM

Nice poem. I can relate, I mean [explitive], can't everyone. Sorry. That was a joke. This is supposed to be a clean web site so swearing is looked down on. Sure there are ohter words you can use but some explitives give that certain edge or emotion that a writer is looking for. That can be largely overlooked sometimes. But guidelines, are guidelines. Just bleep them out before you submit. That's what I always did. Good poem. You might want to think about rearranging your circle of friends. You may want to hold on to them but some friends only bring you down. Once you realize that you don't need them, any of 'em to make it on your own, that's when you'll finally start to see who the true friends are. My philosophy for the day

"Only God can judge me" Tupac Shakur
"Sometimes it takes a painful loss to realize you are free"- Bouncing Souls

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