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a deer in lifes headlites
Junior Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 23

0 posted 2003-12-17 10:12 PM

I've posted this one before but, I figured what the hell they can stand it once more. Also i'm still looking for a title.

So who are we today?
Are you the one who will face your fears
or the one who will run away?
Are you the one who will work through your problems
or the one who pretends to have none?
Are you the one who will look forward to tomorow
or the one who looks forward to the days end?
Are you the one who will love life
or the one who just wants it over with?
Who will the man in the mirror be today?

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

1 posted 2003-12-18 02:08 PM

I personally liked Mysteria's title suggestion the last time you posted this.

just me

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

2 posted 2003-12-18 06:37 PM

Wow, I haven't been here in forever...

Nice simplistic poem. I think you should name it "You Are" or something along those lines, because your poem is pretty much made up of questions that people answer in their heads. However, "You Are" is a statement that we are all the same, despite our thoughts and actions, and that no one is isolated from experience. Just a suggestion.

To be annoying, watch out for the use of apostrophe "s"s. (i.e. "day's end")

"Are you the one who will love life
or the one who just wants it over with?"
second line, maybe rephrasing it to be: or the one who wishes it was over?/just wants it to be over? It was a bit awkward; I felt something was missing.

I felt that the end was all right, however, you could make it surprising by ending it with an answer or statement of some sort, not the expected question.

Just a few suggestions, but you did a good job! I must've missed this one before.

-Leah

[This message has been edited by chasing rain (12-18-2003 06:38 PM).]

frolicking dolphin
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 268
my own special world

3 posted 2003-12-18 06:56 PM

This has a really good message that goes with it, I really liked it, nice write. I can't really think of any titles for it, but You Are sounds good as Leah suggested

~*~Karen~*~

~All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them~Walt Disney

[This message has been edited by frolicking dolphin (12-18-2003 06:58 PM).]

muchos
Member

since 2003-11-29

Posts 102

4 posted 2003-12-18 09:36 PM

i think you should call it 'face yourself' because you are facing each choice and each moment in your life. it only seems right to me, but im just a junior..hahaha. give it a go...

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