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Teen Poetry #7
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Number Two
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Number Two |
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skacore_carries_on New Member
since 2003-12-16
Posts 2 |
I look into a mirror And what do I see? Just worthless garbage Nothing that's worthy Of your graceful touch Or your perfect smile How do you stand it? Just wait awhile No one can help me Because I let no one in I don't share my thoughts I don't know where to begin I waste away One day at a time A pathetic life God's great design You thought you could help me Keep my fears at bay Silence consumes us There's nothing I can say You start to drift away I'll pretend not to see You'll join the crowd And lose faith in me But don't worry about it I'll be there too |
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| © Copyright 2003 skacore_carries_on - All Rights Reserved | |||
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peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
Hmm...I like this poem. Good work! ~Jess  "Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go." -Herman Hesse |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
This would be a cool song.  You did a really good job of rhyming. Impressive.  I know you don't have a critique message, but I'm just wondering if you'd be able to make the lines longer, as in joining the short lines together to elongate the ideas that you present. Not all lines have to be short, or long; both can be used. Shorter lines usually get an idea across, or used for "dramatic" purposes, whereas longer lines are more suitable for explaining ideas and are more flexible. Very well done tho. I really enjoyed the read. -Leah |
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frolicking dolphin Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268my own special world |
I really liked it, I can really relate to it right now, nice write ~*~Karen~*~ |
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