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Teen Poetry #7

I saw it, You and Him

Paragon
Member

since 2003-02-16

Posts 114

0 posted 2003-12-07 09:46 PM

I saw it you and him
I felt it the dagger slid in
nothing left to do but give in
a situation where no one wins

It feels so cold in here
like the distant coldness
of your eyes has
frosted the room

It smells like death in here
like the poison
in your words has
diffused in the air

It looks so bleak in here
like the darkness
consuming you
has spread

and all I can do
is kiss you
for the last time
and watch you go

frolicking dolphin
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 268
my own special world

1 posted 2003-12-08 06:28 PM

I liked this but it didn't seem to flow really well from the first stanza to the second but I'm not sure how you could change it, nice work

~*~Karen~*~

~All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them~Walt Disney

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