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Teen Poetry #7
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| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Truth |
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PrincessNets Member
since 2002-10-30
Posts 103NewYork, USA |
You put on this facade Such a nice, caring person When it came right down to it Lies were all I found Stacked up Like a barrier No truth to be found Whose mask have you stolen? Whose face do I see? Why do you lie? Why can't you see? The only ones you hurt Are the only ones who care Slowly you will lose All of these "friends" The mask will come off And no one will know who you are So no one will care Just tell me the truth now Tell it like it is Before it's too late Stop hiding in that mask I want nothing fake Be the person I know you can be Don't hid anymore |
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| © Copyright 2003 Jeanette Gabriele - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Ok, well, your write was a truthful account of what happens everyday... but you could've explored this with more depth. How does this make you feel? While this write is an observation on a feeling, you could take this poem and write a follow up that focuses more on how this makes you feel, or some smaller element. The ending, however, is encouraging. |
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Ally Stone Junior Member
since 2003-10-20
Posts 48D.C. |
"Sometimes people carry to such perfection the mask they have assumed that in due course they actually become the person they seem." W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965), The Moon and Sixpence I liked this, but I would suggest digging deeper. You've established an idea (with awesome potential) and your language is terrific, I just wondered if you could try developing your idea, instead of restating it. This was very good, and keep writing. |
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THE-1-U-DISLIKE Junior Member
since 2003-11-07
Posts 20 |
keep it up |
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THE-1-U-DISLIKE Junior Member
since 2003-11-07
Posts 20 |
keep it up |
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morgansmiles Junior Member
since 2003-06-11
Posts 25hicksville |
Screw those other posts up there ^ i thought your poem was awesome jeanette lol! And dont worry i won't get crushed lol....  |
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PrincessNets Member
since 2002-10-30
Posts 103NewYork, USA |
Thank you all for being honest. I think that it would be a good idea to go more in depth with my feelings as well... I will certainly try to write a follow up. And Morgan... thank you for being as always supportive. I'm glad you won't be "crushed". I was... several times... |
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