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greco
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 85
buffalo ny

0 posted 2003-11-29 01:03 AM

Leaving the thing I love
Leaving the friends that have been made
I can’t explain it all but I have to go
Something inside is telling me not to stay
What it is I will never know
Night after night trying to decide
Cant sleep tossing and turning
Why does this come up now I hate to decide
To leave is devastating
To leave is for the better
Its time to go just deal with it and move on

[This message has been edited by greco (11-29-2003 01:05 AM).]

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

1 posted 2003-11-29 11:12 AM

hmmm...i didnt like it. the rhyming seemed off at the end and it didnt flow well, i dont know how to fix it, thats your job. my suggestion is that you try and not be so blunt with your meaning.
-alex

now im alone, but not lonely like before

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

2 posted 2003-11-29 01:52 PM

Thought not only was the poem good but your message incredibly raw and true. It is so hard to move on when "shoes don't fit or they pinch" isn't it? Sure been there myself a few times but glad I listened to myself and made the change as it was for the better every time. Liked this a lot!

Let there be peace on earth,
and let it begin with me.

[This message has been edited by Mysteria (11-30-2003 01:37 AM).]

PsychoticBunni
Member

since 2003-10-03

Posts 162
Mythical Atlantis

3 posted 2003-11-29 01:53 PM

move on and find happiness. use your talents as an outlet and everything will work out in time.

Meg

I give you my number when you sad you call me i make you happy- "Don't Worry Be Happy"

Kristabell
Senior Member

since 2003-11-29

Posts 678
Portland, OR

4 posted 2003-11-30 12:16 PM

I liked the poem, but I do think it wa too short.I dunno, but I do know whre you are going with this. Just find someone you trust and confide in them, that is what I did. Good job!

greco
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 85
buffalo ny

5 posted 2003-11-30 03:57 PM

hey thanks all ya its pretty bad its not about loosing someone i just quit the sport i have been playing for at least 10 years that is paintball so ya it was pretty bad i was just tired and not really into writing poetry so
thanks all

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