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Teen Poetry #7
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martina
Member
since 2003-06-19
Posts 59


0 posted 2003-11-28 07:26 PM


    I use to fallow you where ever you went I would be there. I cry please don't go there I can not fallow, You procced down the path of never ending pian. You claim "it is where I belong" I tell it is not. I stand watching saying why are you doing this? You seem to not understand it is the path to never ending pian I try to tell you but you are to stubern to care about what I think you just want to keep out of your misery but it is putting me into misery. Think about it for a minute? I really cared you seemed to at the beging but then it went down from there. Later you will ask me, When will the path of never ending pian end?

[This message has been edited by martina (11-28-2003 09:49 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 martina - All Rights Reserved
Hockeychick19
Member
since 2002-10-29
Posts 430
Massachusetts, USA
1 posted 2003-11-28 10:22 PM


Carrie,

This is sad, but it's also a good write...
Keep on writing

~Kelly~

Life is a gift so live it to the fullest!

martina
Member
since 2003-06-19
Posts 59

2 posted 2003-11-28 10:26 PM


Thanks kelly that means a lot comming from you.

   martina

UnsilencedWords666
Member
since 2003-11-19
Posts 63
Broken Memories & Falling Tears
3 posted 2003-11-29 12:58 PM


All that I can say is that I really liked reading this, keep up the good work! :o)

*~*Nessa Bear*~*

You can’t choose who you are Only what you will be Why can't you choose To let me be me...*~*Nessa Bear*~*

icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
4 posted 2003-11-29 01:22 PM


The emotions in this are powerful and very raw.

Please keep writing; this craft takes time to master.

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
5 posted 2003-11-29 01:44 PM


Hi,

I too thought you had a lot of emotion to write about in this, and I did take it upon myself to reformat your poem and correct the spelling and was going to make a couple of suggestions to you, (not a critque,)but hopefully something you might see as many ways to present the same poem.  I see you had no internal email to send it along to.  If you would like to see it "changed a tad", and also a different look at the same poem you email me and I will sure send it to you.

Keep on writing - you have the core of what makes a good writer.


                   
Let there be peace on earth,
and let it begin with me.


[This message has been edited by Mysteria (11-29-2003 01:46 PM).]

martina
Member
since 2003-06-19
Posts 59

6 posted 2003-11-29 10:25 PM


oh thank you all so much for your relpys it really helps.
          Martina

[This message has been edited by martina (11-30-2003 02:31 PM).]

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navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #7 » The path of never ending pian, Pleas reply this one took a lot of thought

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