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Teen Poetry #7
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The Land
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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The Land |
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Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
The silver shinning A reflective face Looks so grate Like a happy place The fake image Looking from the other side Shows on inkling of despair From inside A heavenly place Where I might strive to succeed The same place Where I just might recede Such a fragile place Found in the beholders hand And with each gazers eyes Becomes a different land Such a powerful place for some A place where I no longer see my eyes For I fear such a place When I’m hidden amidst these lies I tell no tale of where I’ve been But my face will tell it all So I find myself letting go Letting my land fall Shattering falling to the floor Once again I find myself With a land that is no more A million pieces around me Sharp jagged edges all the same Cutting me Finding sweet pleasure in pain Now I find myself Surrounded by my land A place I don't want to be But now it's out of my hand With every steep out Cutting my feet more and more Leaving marks of where I’ve been As I’m walking across the floor A bloody trail Back to my gruesome dreams To find myself thinking Everything is the way it seems [This message has been edited by Deep_Inside (11-20-2003 09:51 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Matt - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
"The fake image Looking from the other side Shows on inkling of despair From inside" (this is really sad, but sooo relatable) "A heavenly place Where I might strive to succeed The same place Where I just might recede" (liked this part a lot) "A bloody trail Back to my gruesome dreams To find myself thinking Everything is the easy it seems" (this felt "forced") I enjoyed the poem overall  |
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skyshine
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
Nice work.  ~Elizabeth Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone... |
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
This was a really good piece, but there were some spelling errors that were kind of distracting, especially in the first stanza. I don't know, maybe it's just me. Jen "The sliver shinning A reflective face Looks so grate Like a happy place" Should be: The silver shining A reflective face Looks so great Like a happy place. I hate what I've become to esacpe what I was. |
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Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
yes it sould be "silver" thakns for pointing that out |
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
everything is what it seems...... |
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