lost - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2003-11-03 07:53 PM

lost

ive felt this feeling, i cant describe
though i will try in my feeble words.
it holds me against my will,
yet frees me more than any key in the world.

ive felt this feeling, i cant hold it
though i use all my weakened strength.
it binds me and blinds me
to any thoughts of you at length.

ive felt this feeling, so insecure
though i am safer here than anywhere..
this enigma of emotion
shows no signs of wear and tear.

i had this feeling, missing it
like one misses a lover to another.
thats just it though, isnt it?
that is the feeling, no, a longing rather.

i forgot this feeling, so distant now
as a stranger seen along the road.
i've left the emotional intruder out to die,
but is remembered only through this ode.

love is passion, passion is desire,
desire drains the heart, the heart drains our tears,
tears show our weakness, weakness admits imperfection,
but love is imperfection.

now im alone, but not lonely like before

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

1 posted 2003-11-04 11:37 AM

me likey...........

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

2 posted 2003-11-04 07:23 PM

I don't particularly care for the first couple stanzas, BUT the last two are amazing. Very well composed, its like you got a grasp of what you were trying to say, toward the end. This is great. maybe work with the begining though.
~Lex

loveislove
Member

since 2006-06-25

Posts 59
USA

3 posted 2006-06-25 12:41 PM

wow...i've been reading your poetry...its all really good...especially this one...it captures deep meaning...

"when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join them in a mutual weirdness and call it love-true love"

the_girl_next_door
Senior Member

since 2006-02-26

Posts 591
USA

4 posted 2006-06-25 02:37 PM

Wow.. loveislove.. you brought this back from like forever ago... but I'm glad you did

young_blood.. I also love your poetry and I missed this one.. well.. I wasn't even a member when you posted this but I'm glad that someone brought it back up..

love is passion, passion is desire,
desire drains the heart, the heart drains our tears,
tears show our weakness, weakness admits imperfection,
but love is imperfection.

That stanza was amazing.. it showed so much emotion and truth.. great job..

~Heather~

Desire nothing except desirelessness. Hope for nothing except to rise above all hopes.
Want nothing & you will have everything.

Poetic Concept
Member

since 2006-06-25

Posts 66
God's Fingerprint

5 posted 2006-06-25 03:38 PM

I thought that is was okay I think that there is still room for improvement in line by line development and overall flow (how it read) I think that this is good though, but like all poems or almost all there is always ways to improve...good luck elevation is the key

Return the favor on: Dreams of a Vet

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

6 posted 2006-06-26 01:19 AM

i've always enjoyed your meaningfull peoms.... they are full of depth and feeling and thats more important than rhyme

ive felt this feeling, i cant hold it
though i use all my weakened strength.
it binds me and blinds me
to any thoughts of you at length

although it does have an excellent flow. looking forward to reading more..... good job.
*hunnie*

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.