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LiL-Jew
Junior Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 30

0 posted 2003-10-28 05:22 PM

He stands there waiting with arms open wide
He shed his blood for you that love you can't hide.

He cries these tears because your lost
For your life means more that he went to the cross.

He stands there waiting calling your name
Patiently taking upon your shame.

Patiently taking up your own sin
And knocking at your door till you let him in.

He stands there waiting yet you turn away
Like a shepherd he looks for you yet you go astray.

Your his precious child how can you not see
That he so desperatly wants you free.

He see's your burden and your pain
He wants to heal your heart again

Please let him in do not turn away
He wants to give you a new life today.

I sent this poem to poetry.com and I never expected to even get a cirtificate from the contest but I did. I got a letter that had a small cirtificate at the bottem, the owner of Poetry.com wrote at the top to some guy named Howard saying, "Howerd make sure you include this piece into our new book that we are putting together" it was something like that. Anyway, please tell me what you think because i'm thinking of making this a song and some helpful stuff would help me a lot.

LiL-Jew
Junior Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 30

1 posted 2003-10-28 05:47 PM

sorry i didnt mean to use such a bad face icon like that. as you all can see I'm very new in these boards.

magic_612
Member

since 2003-07-31

Posts 190
NB, Canada

2 posted 2003-10-28 06:21 PM

welcome! I really thought this was a beautiful piece, full of emotion. I think it will make a good song, and you sound very talented so I dont think you will have much of a problem. Hope to hear more from you

LiL-Jew
Junior Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 30

3 posted 2003-10-28 06:34 PM

what kind of chorus can i put into it do you have any ideas?

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

4 posted 2003-10-28 07:07 PM

LiL_Jew, this is a really well-written
poem. I enjoyed reading it and look forward to
seeing more of your work. We are all very supportive
of each other here, reading and responding in turn.
Join right in and enjoy yourself.
Please check your e-mail for a special greeting
from all of us here at Passions In Poetry.
Thanks,
Ethel/garysgirl
Moderator/Passions In Poetry

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

5 posted 2003-10-28 07:33 PM

good onnnnneeeeeeeeee

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

6 posted 2003-10-28 08:42 PM

this was great!! i really like the points brought up here. good stuff. the poetry.com thing- i got one of those too. they send you tons of junkmail and crap, they just wanna raise money. dont send it back, its a waste of time.

now im alone, but not lonely like before

LiL-Jew
Junior Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 30

7 posted 2003-10-28 09:36 PM

i know i posted a little to much in thise forum but you guys dont need to read the other stuff. im just having fun w/ this site thats all.

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

8 posted 2003-10-29 10:11 AM

And when he comes knocking at my door I will be more than happy to let him in, maybe some cheesecake. This is a beautiful piece and you can see it sparkling through the sin and the pain that he had to carry. It makes you appreciate a little bit more.

NJS

quote:
"Those who will never taste victory, will cherish it the most."(R.W.Emerson)

NJS

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

9 posted 2003-10-29 10:48 AM

Yep, this was really good. I just about cried! Great work! ~Jess

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go." -Herman Hesse

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

10 posted 2003-10-29 11:33 AM

Very good poem! I really enjoyed it.
And just for your own benefit, poetry.com is a hoax, CNN or some other news group even did a story on them. They had a bunch or kindergartners send poems in and they all got letter back saying how wonderful their poems were ect. ect.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

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