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saddest girl
New Member

since 2003-10-12

Posts 4
living in your letters

0 posted 2003-10-26 01:23 AM

I once knew a lady named
Misery
she lived in a damaged world
she calls to me in transparent dreams

a lonely star
outside
the closed universe

she was my twisted soul

long ago
she experienced
the darkest of
pain

beauty was something
she could not
believe

I once knew an angel named
Evil
she traveled like a
ghost into the shadows

her heart was dying for some form of
life

all seems balanced
now
the angel burns to
die

even the most beautiful of all roses must someday crumble to dust and fade away. its certain tragedy.

lauren03
Member

since 2002-01-04

Posts 64
oh, usa

1 posted 2003-10-26 02:01 AM

ok i don't know if you want critques or not but i have one........... i thought the idea was good but the poem is confusing and the idea is lost

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

2 posted 2003-10-26 12:48 PM

first off, let me say what a "deep" poem this was...possible one of my favorites and definatly into my library. onto my critique.
I once knew a lady named
Misery
she lived in a damaged world
she calls to me in transparent dreams

i love the transparent dreams line..thats a very nice touch

a lonely star
outside
the closed universe

like the little star reference

she was my twisted soul

ohhh....creepy line..love it

long ago
she experienced
the darkest of
pain

i did to! yea i did. i like how you isolated the word pain..almost like a second meaning in the way it was placed.

beauty was something
she could not
believe

mmm...not so sure i liked this stanza in with the flow of the poem but ok.

I once knew an angel named
Evil
she traveled like a
ghost into the shadows

ooooooo, now we are onto evil! once again the isolation of the word is powerful to me.

her heart was dying for some form of
life

wow, that is an amazing line...just wow

all seems balanced
now
the angel burns to
die

mmm..i think this could have been extended a bit...the all seems balanced thing just strikes me as out of place...maybe just take it out and leave the angels burns to die as that last line..talk about a powerful punch to end it.

love the poem all together though. great job!

riley

* the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes *

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

3 posted 2003-10-26 01:06 PM

I really liked this. It's definetly going into my library.
Jen

"Worry is like a rocking chair--it gives you something to do but
it doesn't get you anywhere." -- Dorothy Galyean

Ally Stone
Junior Member

since 2003-10-20

Posts 48
D.C.

4 posted 2003-10-26 02:07 PM

ooohh, gotta love deep poems, especially the last bit, that kicked my butt.
Ally

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

5 posted 2003-10-26 11:55 PM

the angel burns to die......me like.

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