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rhyme time
Junior Member

since 2003-10-17

Posts 13

0 posted 2003-10-17 03:20 PM

there was a girl who was special in my life
if we were older, would have asked her to be my wife
what started so sweet, but ended in pain and strife
she didnt break my heart, she cut it with a knife

she was the first girl that i ever really loved
thought GOD had sent her to me from up above
we fit together like a hand fits a glove
but i guess that my love just wasnt enough

she told me she loved me in so many ways
she told me she loved me day after day
she molded my heart as if she was molding clay
and when it all ended i had nothing to say

when we were together it felt like a dream
there is no other girl i'd rather have on my team
taking her out to eat and buying her ice cream
thought we'd be together forever, but thats just how it seemed

thought we'd be together till death do us part
until the day she cut off pieces of my heart
my love couldnt be measured, it went way off the charts
afterwards i was lost and didnt know where to start

all i could think about was her long blonde hair
when looking in her eyes, could do nothing but stare
when i was with her, felt like i was walking on air
but when messing with love, always have to beware

our love was special, not based around sex
but more about the fun that we were gonna have next
i really didnt realize that love was so complex
it is like it is a curse or some type of hex

but i beat the hex and got back on my feet
when i realized that theres other girls out there to meet
but to remember how her lips tasted so sweet
is almost enough to knock me back off my feet

magic_612
Member

since 2003-07-31

Posts 190
NB, Canada

1 posted 2003-10-17 03:54 PM

this poem is so powerful! I absolutely loved everything about it. I can honestly say this is one of the best ones I have read on this site. Great work!!!

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

2 posted 2003-10-17 05:07 PM

(hatred thinks to himself) "damn, what was i thinking." very heart felt, good write.

Hockeychick19
Member

since 2002-10-29

Posts 430
Massachusetts, USA

3 posted 2003-10-17 05:49 PM

Rhyme time,

I feel your pain. I believe we've all been through a time like that in our lives and we'll all probably go through it many more times. Nice work.

Welcome to Passions :-)

~Kelly~

eor
Senior Member

since 2002-09-26

Posts 959
blues & greys

4 posted 2003-10-18 03:38 AM

welcome to pip, i loved the last line

"For those who understand you, no explanation is necessary. For those who don't, none is possible."

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

5 posted 2003-10-18 09:26 AM

Wow, you know what... this sounds like something my dear friend of mine would write about. The pain of loss and I liked how you refered to the knife rather than breaking your heart. Nice to see new artists.

NJS

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

6 posted 2003-10-18 09:32 AM

Hello, and welcome to Passions In Poetry.
You have made a very strong entrance with an
excellent poem. I love your rhyme scheme in it.
Please check your e-mail for a special greeting
from all of us here at Passions.

Ethel...garysgirl
Moderator/Passions In Poetry

rhyme time
Junior Member

since 2003-10-17

Posts 13

7 posted 2003-10-18 01:36 PM

thanks to everybody who has given me such compliments

Sadelite
Member Elite

since 2003-10-11

Posts 2519

8 posted 2003-10-20 08:47 AM

You made your mother cry!   She's very proud of you (and standing here with me).

Wow, what powerful words.   Glad I gave you this address.

                    Sadelite

rhyme time
Junior Member

since 2003-10-17

Posts 13

9 posted 2003-10-31 02:27 PM

its about time for a new one i think

monkey
Junior Member

since 2003-09-16

Posts 27

10 posted 2003-11-13 06:40 PM

awesome poem! and it sounds like your first? keep up the excellent work!

monkey
Junior Member

since 2003-09-16

Posts 27

11 posted 2003-11-13 06:42 PM

i know i just posted but didnt put it in my library!

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

12 posted 2003-11-13 06:45 PM

amazing....and i know the feeling...cept my b/f juss broke up w/ me but it feels just the same

riley

* the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes *

duncan idaho
Member

since 2003-11-14

Posts 70
dune

13 posted 2003-11-14 02:38 PM

this is the stupidest poem ever. what the hell is wrong with you all. stop telling him how good this poem is and admit that it sounds like another whiny bitch just lost his cute little girl friend that he though "loved him so very very much". Grow up.

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

14 posted 2003-11-15 07:03 PM

To an extent, I agree with Duncan Idaho. The message was a little cliched, and the rhyming did sound strained over quite a long poem. There's potential though, just remember that not all poetry has to rhyme, simply because sometimes structure can be too restrictive. Not bad for a first post though.
Ellie

I am a firm believer in the authority of the ruling class. Especially since I rule.

shara
Member

since 2002-05-21

Posts 69
florida/USA

15 posted 2003-11-16 04:29 PM

this was a really awesome write, I was in a similar situation not to long ago with this guy, then I realized that God sends certain people in our life only for a season so that we can learn something about ourselves. Again this was a really awesome write, thanks.

sha_sha
:thumbs up:

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