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Teen Poetry #7

letter in a bottle

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2003-10-15 04:20 PM

Letter in a bottle

if i turned spit to tears could it make up for some of the years?
Not all mind you, for i wouldnt hope for a miracle to that extent,
But maybe, just maybe, your iron-like can be bent,
Then we will say all of the things the past truly meant.

if i unfurled heavens into this hell of a world,
Would you realize the screams of pain were for you,
they would tell of the purification that i pursue,
change will cost it all, i can tell from my point of view.

All these things and more, just to establish a rapport.
I'm swallowing my fresh lumps rising in my throat,
trying to believe the things i have momentarily wrote,
letting these things go, i set this letter in a bottle afloat.

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

1 posted 2003-10-15 06:26 PM

"If I unfurled heavens into this hell of a world
Would you realize the screams of pain were you."

I liked those lines, although it kinda drifted from the bottle, I found these the strongest point... that and the last line. I wonder who would get all that in a bottle??

NJS

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

2 posted 2003-10-15 09:52 PM

hmmmm. good onnnnneeeeeeeeee.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

3 posted 2003-10-15 10:02 PM

thanks alot for the comments guys

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