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sunshinemc
Junior Member

since 2003-09-20

Posts 27

0 posted 2003-09-22 09:59 PM

Where are you
Even when you're infront of me, you're somewhere else

Your mind fancies the wonder
and mine the regret

You are permenant in my heart, taking over
everything
Days of joy and laughs, and others of tears and tradegy

Could u recognize my face in the chaos
Or walk by as if I am invisable to you

I sit and stare into you're eyes
Hoping to endulge myself in your thoughts
Hoping to uncover the secrets you hide
Hoping to bring back the days when you weren't empty

Take me to the place where you run away and hide
the place where you suppress everything inside

Let me in your mind
Let me in your heart
Im begging you, take me back to the start

Olive_8
Junior Member

since 2003-09-20

Posts 41
Canada

1 posted 2003-09-22 11:14 PM

Although I can't relate to this one, it is very well done, I feel your pain and I am not you, very good!

Missthang
Member

since 2001-07-03

Posts 103

2 posted 2003-09-23 12:33 PM

I really enjoyed the end to this poem. I think it does a great job of helping the reader to see exactly how u feel. great post.

"Whatever you are doing, love yourslef for doing it.
Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it."
-Thaddeus Golas

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

3 posted 2003-09-23 10:23 PM

i liked everything but the frist two lines, they seemed uh....cliche to me. sorry, the rest kicked my butt though. seriously a great job!!

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2003-09-23 11:38 PM

"Take me to the place where you run away and hide
the place where you suppress everything inside

Let me in your mind
Let me in your heart
Im begging you, take me back to the start"

I enjoyed the whole thing, but especially the above lines.
This is a nicely penned piece...well done.
~Vicky
When the power of love overcomes the
love of power the world will know peace.
-Jimi Hendrix

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

5 posted 2003-09-27 06:25 AM

i personally think the whole thing is excellent . you have heaps of talent and keep up the writing...

Why
Junior Member

since 2003-09-26

Posts 32
Middle of nowhere

6 posted 2003-09-27 11:24 AM

i can relate to this poem alot it really spoke to me. keep writing beautiful poems

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

7 posted 2003-10-17 05:35 PM

hmmmmm, one of my biggest wishes.....to start over. good write.

ShannonMarie
Member

since 2003-09-09

Posts 55
in a state of being

8 posted 2003-10-21 04:45 AM

I usually do not come in here, but I really liked this one so i thought I would reply. I have been there, I really liked this poem.
~Shannon Marie

-=Kiff=-
Junior Member

since 2003-10-21

Posts 16
North wales UK

9 posted 2003-10-21 08:34 AM

I realy enjoyed reading your poem, it is a piece I wish I could have written myself as I can relate to it so well.

good job.

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