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Dark Poetry #4
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Why'd you go?
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Why'd you go? |
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Kitherion Member
since 2006-08-01
Posts 181Johannesburg |
Yes... You'd had a bad life, It wasn't always rosy, But then you found your shining knight, And all seemed well. In your moment of happiness, A surprise by the Gods was given, A bundle that carried all you hopes, Your dreams, your aspirations... Your future. Your valiant knight was sadly lost, A battle he could not win, But still you carried your bundle, And all seemed well. Oh woe! I lament! Your loss is mine too, But your smiling face, Your jubilant recollections, They kept me going. Sadly now, you lost your battle, One you could never prevail over, And now, Alone in this dark world, Your bundles life begins. "Our Father who art in Heaven... Hallowed be thy name..." |
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| © Copyright 2008 Donovan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Ah Kith...you are as good as I remember. This has great bones and meat to it as well. There's a lot that could be done with this, but I'm not into critique by re-writing.  I love the last two stanzas: "Oh woe! I lament! Your loss is mine too, But your smiling face, Your jubilant recollections, They kept me going. Sadly now, you lost your battle, One you could never prevail over, And now, Alone in this dark world, Your bundles life begins." You manage to convey the emotion of disconcertion, and that is a subtle thing. Well done. |
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Kitherion Member
since 2006-08-01
Posts 181Johannesburg |
Aw thanks Serenity, It's been a long time! -Many animated gasps- But i'm slowly getting back "Our Father who art in Heaven... Hallowed be thy name..." |
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