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A home without a wall,
Our haven without ends,
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navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » Thunder
Dark Poetry #4
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The Esoteric Being
Junior Member
since 2008-07-22
Posts 34
MA, USA
0 posted 2008-11-01 10:09 PM

The presence of the air
the force
the scare.

I can sense it coming
feel it
expect it.

The warning rolls in
so loud
so eerie.

It's the after effect
that stops
my heart.

----------------
The Esoteric Being
     
© Copyright 2008 Suki Donatzsky - All Rights Reserved
Mystress May
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296
Taunton, MA
1 posted 2008-11-20 11:06 AM

Suki... I like this one but you could definitely expand upon it.... it feels unfinished. I think more could be added in the middle.... the ending is as it should be. Know what I mean? Still badass

Our scars are the foundation for what we have become
GothicCherry
Member
since 2008-09-16
Posts 471
TN
2 posted 2008-11-20 12:08 PM

I agree with Mistrees May. Definately add on to this but leave the ending as is.
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navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » Thunder

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