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Dark Poetry #4
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Vent - revised
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Vent - revised |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
looking for autumn how well they hid their perverted desire to abuse and torment the child, the waif in rags named autumn left on the foundling house steps. their days were filled with feelings of hatred and rage, self-pity and blaming others for the mistakes they had made and the commonest of ordinary wounds they had suffered. adrift and floundering in a sea of revenge and mental confusion, they lashed out and flogged until their spite was spent and the innocent child named autumn lay broken. sorry about the vent, but there's nothing worse in my book than abuse. |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
looking for autum myself, and I hate the days where everything feels this way. Love this "...buried way beneath the sheets |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
Dear JM, This one is for you and your feelings. It's self indulgent and deadly serious without bringing your creative gifts to bear on the subject, so the amount of linguistic play and drive is eaten up with the completely understandable rage at the objects of your fury. The level of abstraction is very high. The actual amount and quality of the imagery is low to absent. The use of sensory information available to the reader is low. You could re-write this doing a much better job because you have the skills to do so and are an extremely talented poet. What's up? Bob Kaven |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
We all have days, Bob, when you sort of scream enough to people who just won't stop. I'd like to think it's over now, so maybe it's best to let this go and move on to working on something different. Thanks for your kind words. |
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