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JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

0 posted 2008-06-06 07:25 AM

The things we collect gather history like moss,
the patina of sentiment on bronze baby shoes.
They multiply faster than dust bunnies under the bed
and demand red carpet time at all the premieres
in our lives.

With emotional strings they latch on for a free ride
like trailing shadows and tunnel their way as if prisoners
of war to escape from detachment when confined
to boxes hidden behind closed closet doors.

Yesterday's after work project was finding a place
for the posters and paintings from my previous
life and abode and the petunias and marigolds
leftover from the cemetery Memorial Day planting.
Trapped in the mindless dervish of too good to throw out
and the New England ethic of waste not, want not,
I proceeded to embellish the white bones of my studio
with second hand roses.

In the soft sunset glow these sentimental remainders
of days water colored with tears, took on the patina
of treasures rescued from the sealed compartments
of my Titanic life.

But this morning as I awoke and my eyes
sought the comforting reassurance
of a white washed new dawn, I found
the creepers had all sprouted tendrils and covered
my window with the darkness again.

[This message has been edited by JenniferMaxwell (06-06-2008 12:56 PM).]

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

1 posted 2008-06-09 01:43 AM

Dear JM,

         If you read it out loud, do you find that it all has equal energy, or do you find that the energy is unequally distributed through the poem?  If that's the case, where are the spots of greater energy?

     Perhaps the poem feels like there are no high or low spots to it at all, is that the case?  There's been a few days since you've written the poem; some people don't find this this anywhere near enough time to gain perspective on their own work.  Some people do.  Some people differ from poem to poem.  What's your experience here?  And where does the energy of the poem want to go, once you've pared away the lower energy pieces?   The answer to that question is often a very large surprise, not at all what you initially think the poem was about at all.

     Time to read (out loud, if you can bear it) and experiment with this fascinating piece of work, JM.  It's good and very promising.  Make sure you stay as playful as you can with it is my advice.  Happily, BobK.

voice2bheard
Senior Member

since 2007-10-19

Posts 591
New York

2 posted 2008-06-09 10:29 AM

I liked it it wasn' a bad read now I wish alot of people would read my poems and enjoy them!!!

Kate

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