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Dark Poetry #4
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Releasing Tears
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Releasing Tears |
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GreenDragon Junior Member
since 2008-06-05
Posts 10USA |
I’ll let these releasing tears extinguish This weakly flickering flame I’ve been protecting From the winds of doubt and truth Which howled “He’s not yours to love.” Is there comfort in this darkness Now that running out of fuel Is no longer a concern? A wet wick, a dwindling reserve and no match. Even without the company of its glow I might carry this cold lantern By force of habit Just like I’ll propel this shell another day Swinging pendulum limbs keep going As the earth rotates beneath Oh, How that weightless fire made my heavy lantern light! |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
Your words are indeed worthy of eye and mind lovely dragon. Welcome to the blue valley of pip. Please consider the open area too 42 as your art should be bathed by a thousand eyes. Write many more if you will, it would please me to search your soul in such pleadings. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
"This weakly flickering flame I’ve been protecting From the winds of doubt and truth Which howled “He’s not yours to love.”" that.  Nice. "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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XxForever.BrokenxX Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891Neverland |
I'm not sure I understand so I'll just welcome you to PIP. Hope to see more. {~~*~~} {&]ebbing.away.from*my.pain.}} |
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GreenDragon Junior Member
since 2008-06-05
Posts 10USA |
Thanks for the welcome Emily- I guess without getting into the nitty gritty, maybe all you need to know is that I love to play with words and allow them to take their multiple meanings (or chose the ones which will do that) - hopefully making the poem richer rather than ambiguous. In this one the four main "jokes"(if such a sorrowful poem can be funny) are: "releasing tears" being both tears which are being released, as well as the tears over letting go. "howled" signifying the volume of adversity from which this little flame was being protected - and also the voice of the wind a condemning one. "no match" - meaning the literal ability to relight the lantern, but also that the one released was one-of-a-kind or that this couple never was a pair. "lantern light" a play on weight vs illumination. Thank you all for the warm welcome to Pip. |
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JenniferMaxwell
since 2006-09-14
Posts 2423 |
A lot to like in this fine write. My only suggestion would be to watch out for abstractions and use your own metaphors rather than cliches. Welcome to PiP. Looking forward to reading more of your work. |
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