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JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

0 posted 2008-03-28 02:42 PM

Swan like in the white grace of your dying
never a ripple on your linen sea
as you test your wings only to be drawn
back down by the gravity of mourners
arrived too soon for the wake.

Two sons at your bedside ready to kindle
the grounded vessel for your sunset sail,
like Castor and Pollux, drink from
the well and speak of the bountiful
triumphs of youth

while with measuring eye weighing
a brother’s bones to flesh out in silence
the last battleground where no trumpets sound
as two ancient warriors ride uncrowned
among the scavenger crows.

A chink in the armor of invincibility,
this deathbed watch rubs at raw wrists
as each brother grapples with the gods’
temporal gift, the promise and illusion
of immortality.

First born of the twins, the golden boy,
olympian in intellect and deeds,
clings to the laurel and the assurance
the mountain will eternally render
marrow for his earthly bones.

The younger, speechless and numbed
by his brother’s delusions, envisions
the final battle, the blood-soaked field,
the fallen, and the lilies
fed by the meal of their bones.
................

Kind of fun to look back at a first draft/outline. Dark seems the appropriate place for it.

[This message has been edited by JenniferMaxwell (03-28-2008 03:14 PM).]

Seoulair
Senior Member

since 2008-03-27

Posts 807
Seoul S.Korea

1 posted 2008-03-28 03:40 PM

very good. Beautiful!

JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

2 posted 2008-03-28 10:37 PM

Thank you, Seoulair, for your very kind comment.

Ocean Vuong
Junior Member

since 2008-03-29

Posts 37
NYC

3 posted 2008-03-30 12:28 PM

Bravo, you are truly of talent. The diction here is smooth and effective.

best,

-ocean

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

4 posted 2008-03-30 07:15 PM

Jennifer~

Your writing is so good, hon~
Keep it up~
It is inspirational to read you~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email - noles1@totcon.com

JenniferMaxwell

Member Elite

since 2006-09-14

Posts 2423

5 posted 2008-03-31 05:18 AM

Thanks very much, Ocean and Marge, for the encouraging words.

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