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Dark Poetry #4
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Mystress May
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296
Taunton, MA

0 posted 2008-02-25 11:57 PM



The Box-

I was invisible
Noone could see
There was no feeling
There was no me

I held inside
A box of steel
A place to hide
All that I feel

You looked around
And there I stood
So rigid and proud
Frightened and aloof

Invisibility lifts
For just a moment
They see me fall
They see me bleed

You turn around
I can not bear
To see your back
I have only fear

I put them back
Within the box
Turn the key
Again I'm lost

Our scars are the foundation for what we have become

© Copyright 2008 Amanda M. Stonis - All Rights Reserved
slimboydim
New Member
since 2008-02-26
Posts 6
Royston Vasey
1 posted 2008-02-26 09:48 AM


Good Afternoon, enjoyed reading your
words, so smooth. Your style means
the lines read themselves.
Lovely construction, simple and extremely
effective.
Sometimes we have to hide what is in our
heart, just to get by.

Thank You For Sharing.

--------------------
Kindest Regards Slim.

r v wooo
Senior Member
since 2007-08-07
Posts 656

2 posted 2008-02-26 12:38 PM


i agree with slim regarding the mechanics...but it is the source...the mind that really intrigues me!
Mystress May
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296
Taunton, MA
3 posted 2008-02-26 02:26 PM


slim....thank you for your kind words.... and yes, sometimes it really is easier to put them away

rv.... I am glad you enjoyed it.... I'm actually quite boring.

firestorm
Member
since 2008-02-26
Posts 109

4 posted 2008-02-29 08:49 AM


i do not believe that you are boring-your mind is lovely and multi-faceted. You express yourself very passionately.. I enjoy reading your work ---as stated before:  More please???

r v wooo
Senior Member
since 2007-08-07
Posts 656

5 posted 2008-02-29 01:29 PM


in no way are you boring...i think you are hot...ph...hot...acid or base!

and firestorm... relax and write...do it now!

hiddensmiles
Senior Member
since 2008-02-07
Posts 514
at the beach... i wish
6 posted 2008-02-29 03:58 PM


great poem


Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois
7 posted 2008-02-29 05:37 PM


Mystress May you dont cease to amaze me. Your meaning in this is so heartfelt and touching... this is going in my faves!!

~Zach~  



Mystress May
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296
Taunton, MA
8 posted 2008-02-29 07:08 PM


Firestorm... there is always more!

Hiddensmiles, I thank you!

Zach.... I want you to read my piece called 'Blackness' (the revised version)... I think you'll enjoy it. It's my favourite of anything I've written, closest to my heart.

Rv.... I can be extremely boring! But I guess you're right.... even at my most boring I am burning hot   

Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
9 posted 2008-03-19 12:25 PM


Nice MM.

It feels like you could keep it going, still good none the less.

Mystress May
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296
Taunton, MA
10 posted 2008-03-19 12:38 PM


You're right Seeker... it does seem like the bones of something bigger. But then again, the simplicity and abruptness is how the ride really is for me. I did have the same thought though.... I know there is more that I could do with it. I've played around with it but can't seem to find something that feels comfy to me. Once thing I've done as an experiement is to take two peoms and weave them together... if done properly, it can be quite beatiful. One time that I had done that, I ended up with a song. Hmmmm.... I should find that, cuz I really liked it. If I do, I'll post it. I know I posted one here before called 'They Smile and Say' where I had woven two poems together. That one feels very song-like to me, as well.

Hmmmm.... now you've got my mind working. I think I shall go play! Hopefully I'll have something to show for it soon!

wisdomofthesword
Member
since 2007-12-17
Posts 224
the last place on earth
11 posted 2008-03-19 04:18 PM


great poem

I don't care if you think I'm a fool but don't ever tell me so

Mystress May
Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296
Taunton, MA
12 posted 2008-03-19 06:44 PM


Thanks Wiz!
Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
13 posted 2008-03-20 12:04 PM


I love it when the opportunity strikes where you can splice two poems into one and create something even better.

Done it a couple of times and loved it, hope it goes well and you see something at the end that's even better than when you first started.

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