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Dark Poetry #4
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Untouchable
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Untouchable |
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KingLeo New Member
since 2007-11-13
Posts 5 |
Why have you turned so cold? You used to share with me your heart, your hopes and your fears. We spent the nights wrapped up tight, you in my arms, but after all these years you've started sleeping on the couch, I reach out to you and you draw away That loving look in your eyes is gone and you have nothing left to say. The feeling of loneliness overwhelms me at times, and even though your right next to me you feel so far away. I want to hold you so tight and hear to say "Babe, it's gonna be ok." But it's not ok.... Not like this anyway I'm too young to have these thoughts and fears of spending the rest of my life trapped inside these tears. My heart bleeds for your touch to come and restore it back to new. I feel so untouchable, and I can see in your eyes that my worst fears have come true. You say your gonna leave me, but to me you've already fled. Broken dreams and shattered lives and a photo album full of unkept promises is all that lay on our bed. How could you take what wasn't yours? How could you pack your stuff and walk out those doors and never stopping to say goodbye.....no one more chance.....no one more try. I never cheated on you and I never done you wrong. I was always faithful to you even when I was gone......out on the road all alone. I know I left you at home, but everyday we spoke on the phone. Life wasn't so bad. I worked so hard to give you what you had, but I guess that wasn't enough. I guess I couldn't replace my presence by buying you "stuff". Maybe I'm to blame. When I told you those vows and you took my name I guess I thought it would be enough. Our love would carry us through the hard times, but when it got tough......I wasn't around much to dry your tears or to hold you when you cried, although I tried baby...I really tried. So now what's my next move? Where do I go from here to try to heal these wounds? Do I find another girl to occupy my nights and drown my sorrows in alcohol and Marlboro lights, or should I give up hope on finding love? I feel so untouchable. |
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| © Copyright 2007 Eric Dobransky - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mystress May Member
since 2007-10-25
Posts 296Taunton, MA |
You're very expressive... I love your writing. Again, a bit more structure may make it less intimidating to some people. But I do like it a lot. Our scars are the foundation for what we have become |
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KingLeo New Member
since 2007-11-13
Posts 5 |
I have never studied poetry structure. I do wish to learn how to use proper form. |
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Seeker72 Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387Oregon USA |
Ah!! There lay the troubles of a true free poet. My personal structure is not one of which is within the common vein, I have always believed true poetry is raw emotion. Still, with that said you do need to have a pattern that lets the reader go with the flow. Your poems are good but to a regular reader as MM has already mentioned it can seem like an intimidating read. If you want to know more please feel free to ask, MM, Moondogz, myself and several others will gladly answer any questions you might have. [This message has been edited by Seeker72 (11-14-2007 12:43 AM).] |
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