How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Archives
 Dark Poetry #4 Archive
 Numb
 1 2 3 4
Follow us on Facebook

 This is an Archive. You may post a reply, but new topics are not allowed.

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Numb

 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
voice2bheard
Senior Member
since 10-19-2007
Posts 582
New York


0 posted 10-31-2007 09:20 AM       View Profile for voice2bheard   Email voice2bheard   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit voice2bheard's Home Page   View IP for voice2bheard

I hear voices, but I can't make a sound

I see darkness ahead, and noones around

I find myself looking in the mirror

sitting on the floor

Its seems like I'm more depressed than before

My body feels cold, and my color is white

and no matter how hard I try I still lose the fight

My fingers are freezing going numb

as I look through glass I wish this was done

It feels like novacaine in my body, going numb

blood starts to flowing, it still keeps going

but its like I can't feel, going numb

the marks and the bruises, the stupid excuses

still its like I'm going numb

the drug gets stronger, when will it be over?

I'm laying on the floor, cold and numb

but how can I still feel anything

if my bodys going, numb


© Copyright 2007 Kate - All Rights Reserved
voice2bheard
Senior Member
since 10-19-2007
Posts 582
New York


1 posted 10-31-2007 09:21 AM       View Profile for voice2bheard   Email voice2bheard   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit voice2bheard's Home Page   View IP for voice2bheard

This poem is about just being cold, feeling upset and because you get so cold you just can't feel anything

Mystress May
Member
since 10-25-2007
Posts 296
Taunton, MA


2 posted 11-04-2007 02:33 AM       View Profile for Mystress May   Email Mystress May   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mystress May

This is my favourite of yours, so far. It's actually amazing. The one suggestion I'd make is to find a way to fit 'numb' in every other line consistently. In line 2,4 and 6.  Since it's the title and it is the final word in lines 8,10,12,14,16&18 it would 'feel right' to me. It is only my opinion. Since you say "Be honest no matter how harsh it could be." I figured I would put it out there. I hope you pay the same respect.... I adore constructive critisism.... I am one who loves to improve.
voice2bheard
Senior Member
since 10-19-2007
Posts 582
New York


3 posted 11-05-2007 01:13 PM       View Profile for voice2bheard   Email voice2bheard   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit voice2bheard's Home Page   View IP for voice2bheard

Thanks and like I said I love you girl don't know you that well but love you !!

Kate

voice2bheard
Senior Member
since 10-19-2007
Posts 582
New York


4 posted 12-16-2009 05:15 AM       View Profile for voice2bheard   Email voice2bheard   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit voice2bheard's Home Page   View IP for voice2bheard

YES WHAT I FEEL LIKE A LOT!!

Kate

 
 Post A Reply   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Archives >> Dark Poetry #4 >> Numb Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors