Poisoned apples and black roses

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Dark Poetry #4

Poisoned apples and black roses

8-trigrams
New Member

since 2007-10-17

Posts 9

0 posted 2007-10-22 06:00 AM

i put this in the teen section last time so i dont know if the dark poetry people have read it. i also made some tiny changes.
i dont know if your not allowed to do this but im new so, i wouldnt.

Poisoned apples and Black roses

Have u been to iraq? Have u walked with the dead?
There's a-hundered-thousand childeren bein killed for their bread

So the clock ticks on to the human end
No one knows what waits around the bend

So they look for insight somwhere up there
To the polititions shaking, sweatin and loosin their hair

So to to stop their boredom they start a war
For the government its as easy as steppin on bugs on the floor

As democracy continues to dictate
Boiling blood will circulate

The Government will face many angry screams
Silence will follow the gunfire and gasoline

The revolution is-a-rising
News flash government that aint suprising

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member

since 2004-02-01

Posts 715
New Zealand

1 posted 2007-10-22 06:31 AM

Hey.
This was nice, and political.
And I agree, which is also thumbs up.

Some profound lines in there, although the stepping on the bugs imagery could have been a little better.

But awesome poem, keep it up!

Hollow.
Courtney.

(Nice title, too!)

Come on God, do I seem bulletproof?

Twilight Warrior
Member

since 2007-02-22

Posts 106
The World That Never Was

2 posted 2007-10-22 09:26 PM

This poem was really good. The only problem was the grammar anf flow. Small things like that can affect your work greatly.

"One last drink and the bottle breaks, returning us to the dust from whence we came"

trUstNooNe
Member

since 2006-05-21

Posts 91

3 posted 2007-10-27 08:39 PM

Not something you hear everyday, but we should. We should be reminded everyday of people over sea's fighting for us, and of those not doing a thing to help them. Good Write, thanks.

trUstNooNe
Member

since 2006-05-21

Posts 91

4 posted 2007-10-27 08:40 PM

Not something you hear everyday, but we should. We should be reminded everyday of people over sea's fighting for us. Good Write, thanks.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.