THAT GUY YOU HATED... Revised

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Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

0 posted 2007-10-15 01:01 AM

OK

This one is long an I apologize in advance, if anyone gets to the end I'll give you a cookie.

** Right. I took a few chunks out to shorten it down, there were several sections that really didn't need to be there and it still seems to flow well.

so let me know.

So many years ago

The voices would they whisper

“He seems nice”

“In an odd way”

Something about him that never sat quite right

Maybe it was due to his never being able

To sit quite right

A patchwork copy of the soul

Pasted into the fabric of life

Edges frayed slightly

Not exactly the right color to his surroundings

Still you seemed happy knowing he was going

Even though there was never anything there

How sad for your ignorance to want to throw a person out

Knowing they had no place to go

Just to have them away from your pride and joy

Like cutting cancer out with a butter knife

All the while thinking everything was going to be ok

It always was ok

You just never saw it for what it was

That man was not a drifter

Not a waste of space like he heard you refer to him as

Nor was he out to defile your not so virginal daughter

You lived in ignorance then

I wonder have you ever changed?

That patchwork drifter has

With every passing day

With a meeting of someone new

With every new country he visits

Each and every day does he log into his drifting mind

Those events that now unwind

Driven by emotions to drift, to search

Moved by emotions to carry on

Forever looking for that something

Not love, like you so feared

Not acceptance

The likes I never found

The questions to my answers

I thought Ireland might have held them

I was wrong

Rolling green hills still gave way to ignorant valleys

Cutting deep into the countryside

Like a clumsy man with a butter knife

Carving his way through his daughters soul

Saying his goodbyes the drifter moved on

To be forgotten quickly I’m sure

How strange he never has

His patchwork mind has logged it all down

To remember till the end

The good with the bad

Like black and white paint thrown against a wall

Sliding to the ground in a gray streak of hopelessness

Meeting others from distant countries

Drifting like me

Living for life and earning a keep

Wanting to be able to say one day when we are old

“I lived there once”

My experiences were not of your daughter

Your fears were shadows

Hideously beautiful attempts to keep your little girl from becoming a woman

Blocking the road for a man that claimed nothing but friendship

Your sons knew it

How sad that the teacher could not be taught

You were right about one thing, for a time

I was a homeless man

I wished to be just that but I never took what was not mine

You made me out to be a thief

A leech upon the blood of the innocent

I laughed when I left

A mixture of comedy and tragedy

I was sad to be going knowing I would never return

I was amused at how happy you were to hold the door open

A look of victory on your face

Do you still think with such shallow tones?

Maybe with time you will see the true meaning of life

Maybe not

My time has been well spent

So much more has been learned by the actions and thoughts of others

By the actions and thoughts of myself

I the drifter

That lives in one place now

My search complete

I the drifter

That has a job and a home

A family now

That has memories of countries far away to remember

To tell my son one night before bed

Of places far away

To tell him

“I lived there once”

That shady man never to be trusted

I the drifter

That loves his family

That would give his life so they may live

I the drifter

That drifted into your home

The Devil in a suit

You would have all believe

Your voice so loud God himself could hear

It matters little now

That was then

This is now

I am who I was to be

Still to become

You are?

The same yet a little bit older?

My words may seem bitter

Yet they are not

My words are nothing more than a telling of a tale

Of a man and that guy you hated once

For no real reason at all

[This message has been edited by Seeker72 (10-16-2007 11:07 AM).]

moondogz
Member

since 2007-05-01

Posts 397
Great White North

1 posted 2007-10-15 01:27 AM

My computer deletes cookies, but I'll read it anyway....

moondogz
Member

since 2007-05-01

Posts 397
Great White North

2 posted 2007-10-15 01:35 AM

Holy....quite the tale Seeker...and an excellent job in the retelling. Your abilities humble me....thanks for the read.
moon.

ladylisa
Member

since 2007-04-29

Posts 342
Florida USA

3 posted 2007-10-15 10:13 AM

I enjoyed this, it was close to my heart as I traveled some of this road. Thought it could have been told just as well in maybe a shorter version. But overall, enjoyed it.

lisa

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

4 posted 2007-10-15 05:27 PM

Thank you both.

After re-reading I would have to agree that there are areas that I can cut out without changing the flow, when I have more time tonight I'll do a rewrite and see how it looks.

Thanks again for your suggestions and comments.

Bad Moondogz... no cookie for you!

moondogz
Member

since 2007-05-01

Posts 397
Great White North

5 posted 2007-10-15 05:51 PM

darn.....u know how I like them "biscuits!"

[This message has been edited by moondogz (10-15-2007 07:57 PM).]

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

6 posted 2007-10-16 11:08 AM

OK I removed a few sections, still seems long though.

Moondogz... you can have a biscuit, now stop pouting. ;-)

moondogz
Member

since 2007-05-01

Posts 397
Great White North

7 posted 2007-10-16 12:45 PM

Hey Seeker, I'm pouting because I'VE HAD THE BISCUIT...with the internet...because of my addictive nature. Anyway I've enjoyed your poems and comments immensly..keep up the good work.
moondogz

Abbeon
Member

since 2006-11-30

Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder

8 posted 2007-10-17 11:27 AM

Wow what an amazing poem and I love cookies but can I get a hug instead? I love your poems you are one of my favourite writers.
Hugs Abbeon.

The world behind these thoughtful eyes, caution may seem crazy.

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

9 posted 2007-10-18 08:14 PM

Thank you Abbeon for your kind words.

I wonder sometimes if I post too many poems as they all seem to be long ones.

spunkygirl
Junior Member

since 2007-09-18

Posts 46

10 posted 2007-10-18 10:17 PM

Drifters, those wonderful guys and gals from my youth. My brother was always bringing some interesting person home with him. Always enjoyed! Good poem, tells a sad story with a Great ending. Family stories to share with children. And please, go ahead and share your insights about mine. My answer "NO" was purely accidental.

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

11 posted 2007-10-19 12:05 PM

yeah... sorry about that.

I did it to Moondogz once too.

Thank you for reading and commenting, it means a lot.

Angel101¢¾!
Junior Member

since 2007-10-21

Posts 48
Lost in pain

12 posted 2007-10-22 06:43 PM

wow good job how old are you cause u write amazing poetry

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

13 posted 2007-10-22 08:36 PM

Ah the dredded question!

Lets just say this...

If I have a midlife crisis now then when I die I'll be in my late 60's early 70's. ;-)

Angel101¢¾!
Junior Member

since 2007-10-21

Posts 48
Lost in pain

14 posted 2007-10-22 10:25 PM

AHHHHH

Abbeon
Member

since 2006-11-30

Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder

15 posted 2007-10-23 03:10 PM

I am lost, using medieval age calculations might help for I have often wondered how old you may be for your writing speaks of thoughts and feelings of which humans are never born with and rarely ever achieve.

Your poems length’s are wonderful they give me time to immerse my self in there emotions.
Ponder there meanings and awake on the other shore wondering why I did not see these images before. As well I refuse to give empty praise, your writing is outstanding and hints towards that of which words cannot describe. But then again who knows I’m just weird that way.

Abbeon

The world behind these thoughtful eyes, caution may seem crazy.

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

16 posted 2007-10-23 03:41 PM

Your words are by far too good for me but I thank you very much.

When I wrote this poem I was around 29 and that was a few years back now.

My calculations for age do depend upon my dying exactly the amount of years from my midlife crisis... still no sign of that though.

Do brooding people even have a midlife crisis?

Angel101¢¾!
Junior Member

since 2007-10-21

Posts 48
Lost in pain

17 posted 2007-10-25 09:53 PM

i dont know maybe

Verg
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 52
Colorado

18 posted 2007-10-26 04:05 PM

Are you 32?

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

19 posted 2007-10-26 04:56 PM

Nope.

;-)

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

20 posted 2007-10-26 09:37 PM

Really love this its great... very good tale without the length it wouldnt be as good...

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

21 posted 2007-10-26 09:41 PM

Thanks RevengeIsMine.

I did cut out a few parts that really gave you nothing to chew on, I wouldn't want to make it any shorter than it is now.

Thanks again for reading and commenting.

Mystress May
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 296
Taunton, MA

22 posted 2007-10-26 09:48 PM

mmmmm.... cookies

and great writing, as well!

Verg
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 52
Colorado

23 posted 2007-10-26 09:54 PM

r u 33

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

24 posted 2007-10-26 10:18 PM

You're going to keep going up until you hit the mark aren't you.

Verg
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 52
Colorado

25 posted 2007-10-26 10:26 PM

yup, will you tell me when I hit the mark?

Verg
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 52
Colorado

26 posted 2007-10-26 10:27 PM

yup i am r u going to tell me when I hit the mark?

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

27 posted 2007-10-26 10:31 PM

Oh God....

I'm 35... hence the 72 at the end of Seeker, well that and Seeker was already taken.

Verg
Member

since 2007-10-25

Posts 52
Colorado

28 posted 2007-10-26 10:55 PM

you dont talk like your 35 you write like all of the college students I know. Not that it's a bad thing. Your my favorite and as my favorite i need to know everything i possibly can. LOL

nevermore93
Member

since 2007-10-24

Posts 73

29 posted 2007-10-26 11:35 PM

if everyone could, i would appreciate it if you read my poem, "i need to be free".

and seeker, i would like you to read my poem "shadow" in the teen poetry section. you are very good when it comes to dark poetry, so i would like to hear your thoughts on it.

thank you

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

30 posted 2007-10-27 12:24 PM

I have been told that I do not act my age, it's the darkness in me, what can I say. ;-)

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

31 posted 2007-10-27 01:02 AM

nevermore93.

I posted a message to your poem.

I liked it.

Abbeon
Member

since 2006-11-30

Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder

32 posted 2007-10-27 10:43 AM

Hmmm I am guessing that Seeker is roughly 30-36 but probably 30 if he where to die at 60 and it was an exact mid life crisis.

The world behind these thoughtful eyes, caution may seem crazy.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

33 posted 2007-10-27 01:48 PM

Wow seeker you have such a nice fan club

well I loved this poem but you are an amazing poet so this was expected.. oh and I looove cookies

thank you for sharing your wonderful insights.
Krysti

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

34 posted 2007-10-27 02:30 PM

"Wow seeker you have such a nice fan club"

So it seems.

Just so long as they love the work... the man behind it is still just a man, faults and all.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

35 posted 2007-10-27 04:50 PM

I'm sure they love the work as it is amazing

...
~Krysti

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

36 posted 2007-10-27 04:55 PM

I was going to post a new poem, it's very sad and somewhat depressing really so I'm not sure.

PrestonThePoet
Member

since 2007-11-07

Posts 87

37 posted 2007-11-09 12:02 PM

That poem was deeper than the Mariannas Trench, Kudos.

Take a look at my poem, Real Life Fiction. I'd like to see what you'd think.
Ill be looking forward to your opinion.

Preston.

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

38 posted 2007-11-09 01:54 AM

Thanks Preston.

I'm wondering... are you referring to the Pacific Grand Canyon or the band?

Just wondering...

;-)

SecretTemptation
New Member

since 2007-11-23

Posts 8
US

39 posted 2007-11-23 11:15 PM

"Like cutting cancer out with a butter knife
All the while thinking everything was going to be ok..."

Thats so cool! haha.. i really like this one, it was long, but interesting..

I'd be interested in seeing you write a short intense version...

very good job though! =]

InThisForbiddenLove..
YouAreMySecretTemptation...
AndImYourDirtyLittleSecret....

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

40 posted 2007-11-25 01:34 AM

Thank you SecretTemptation.

A short version just might be in the works.

littlefairy
Member

since 2007-08-06

Posts 51
New York

41 posted 2007-11-29 05:05 PM

I really enjoyed that. I didn't think i would but i did. A great great deal. I'm glad the drifter found a home and a family and got to experience life like that. If i could handle it I'd be a drifter. They seem to become the most amazingly kind and good people.

I’m good during the day. But at night I wait.I wait for the one who’ll never return.

Angel101¢¾!
Junior Member

since 2007-10-21

Posts 48
Lost in pain

42 posted 2007-11-29 10:28 PM

r u 36

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

43 posted 2007-12-06 10:53 AM

Thanks littlefairy.

Angel. I actually posted how old I am, so if you can find it I'll give you a cookie.

eternally_singing
Member

since 2007-12-18

Posts 123
PA, United States

44 posted 2007-12-20 11:18 PM

Completely amazing! I have rarely read anything of this caliber. Also, I truly believe that length adds to its overall effect.

I really loved this poem. Thank you for posting it!

Seeker72
Member

since 2007-02-24

Posts 387
Oregon USA

45 posted 2007-12-21 12:37 PM

eternally_singing, thank you very much for reading it, I'm glad you liked it.

It's a moment in my life when I lived in Ireland that has always pushed me forward.

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