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City of the Dead (experimental title)
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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City of the Dead (experimental title) |
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Twilight Warrior Member
since 2007-02-22
Posts 106The World That Never Was |
(feel free to skip this) Awhile back I wrote a poem entitled "Ballad of Fallen Angels". Upon rereading it I found it inconsistent and amateur. I hated it. The first and second eight lines seemed serperate. They illustrated two different thoughts. This poem sprouted from the last eight lines of that poem. I ask that you read "Ballad of Fallen Angels" only so that you may better see where this poem came from. I would like help with the title if you can. "One last drink and the bottle breaks, returning us to the dust from whence we came" |
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| © Copyright 2007 Bell, Ton'neus R. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Twilight Warrior Member
since 2007-02-22
Posts 106The World That Never Was |
Stark white buildings against the black sky The last rays of hope fade out and die I walk along the cracked up streets The eternally falling rain soaks me deep People wander aimlessly from place to place Broken angels, fallen from grace How any of us got here I cannot say From this city, there is no escape Why do forlorn dreams never leave our sight In this world between Dark and Light The people I can feel their pain We're empty shells, one and the same I approached a man standing near the water Clutching what appeared to be his daughter He said "Listen boy, i've something to say" "All that you love will be carried away" His words barely have time to reach my ear When he and the little girl disappear He stirred within me my deepest fear The end of my existence is almost near I hear the bell of Twilight's Tower Signaling Destiny's final hour Twas all that kept our spirits at rest Now we'll return to nothingness "One last drink and the bottle breaks, returning us to the dust from whence we came" |
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moondogz Member
since 2007-05-01
Posts 397Great White North |
Twilight Warrior Member since 02-22-2007 Posts 63 The World That Never Was 1 posted 09-11-2007 01:27 PM Inappropriate content? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stark white buildings, against the black sky The last rays of hope, fade out and die I walk along, the cracked up streets Eternelly falling rain, soaks me deep People wander aimlessly, from place to place Broken angels, fallen from grace How any of us got here, I cannot say From this city, there is no escape Why do forlorn dreams, never leave our sight In this world between, Dark and Light The people, I can feel their pain We're empty shells, one and the same I approached a man, standing near the water Clutching what appeared, to be his daughter He said "Listen boy, I've something to say" "All that you love, will be carried away" His words, barely have time to reach my ear When he and the little girl, disappear He stirred within me, my deepest fear The end of my existence, is almost near I hear the bell, of Twilight's Tower Signaling Destiny's final hour Twas all that kept our spirits at rest Now we'll return, to nothingness hey warrior, I really liked your poem... just a suggestion, but I added some punctuation to help "the beat", otherwise I can't think of anything to change. Very powerful imagery...a glimpse of "hell" on earth...thanks. moon. |
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moondogz Member
since 2007-05-01
Posts 397Great White North |
Twilight Warrior....oops, almost forgot to answer the primary Q....The title "Ballad of Fallen Angels", in my opinion is perrrfect. moon. |
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Twilight Warrior Member
since 2007-02-22
Posts 106The World That Never Was |
I agree with your revisions and your idea of using the original title. Thanks. TW "One last drink and the bottle breaks, returning us to the dust from whence we came" |
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Twilight Warrior Member
since 2007-02-22
Posts 106The World That Never Was |
I accidentally left some lines out...here's the rest Ballad of Fallen Angels Stark white buildings against the black sky The last rays of hope fade out and die I walk along the cracked up streets The eternally falling rain soaks me deep People wander aimlessly from place to place Broken angels, fallen from grace How any of us got here I cannot say From this city, there is no escape Why do forlorn dreams never leave our sight In this world between Dark and Light The people here I can feel their pain We're empty shells, one and the same I approached a man standing near the water Clutching what appeared to be his daughter He said "Listen boy, i've something to say" "All that you love will be carried away" His words barely have time to reach my ear When he and the little girl disappear He stirred within me my deepest fear The end of my existence is almost near I stopped before the oceans deep Wondering what secrets their ends keep Then wispered to the blue abyss There are surely other worlds than this I hear the bell of Twilight's Tower Signaling Destiny's final hour Twas all that kept our spirits at rest Now we'll return to nothingness "One last drink and the bottle breaks, returning us to the dust from whence we came" [This message has been edited by Twilight Warrior (09-20-2007 07:45 PM).] |
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