navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » After my Death
Dark Poetry #4
Post A Reply Post New Topic After my Death Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
MindBeyondBody
Junior Member
since 2007-08-02
Posts 14
Florida,United States

0 posted 2007-09-10 11:41 AM


At 2:30AM I Died Tragically at a young age looks like the book on my life has come to its final page
nobody really cared nobody cried not even one tear,no more fear as i pass onto the other world things become so clear
all i am now is another dead black youth just another death statistic
as i look back at my life its sad and funny trying to chase the american dream being to materialistic
looks like i died trying to find something but at the end of it i failed
now im just part of the past just a lost soul roaming the earth was i it part of my fate
but its to late I had my chance to live life now its gone like the leaves blowing in the wind

© Copyright 2007 Konrod Clarke - All Rights Reserved
Twilight Warrior
Member
since 2007-02-22
Posts 106
The World That Never Was
1 posted 2007-09-11 09:56 AM


I liked this poem a lot. The only thing...you need to construct it better. Put the different "lines" on different lines. Capitalize your I's as well. There is nothing wrong with the words of the poem, just the organization.

"One last drink and the bottle breaks, returning us to the dust from whence we came"

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » After my Death

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary