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Dark Poetry #4
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Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA

0 posted 2007-08-05 09:13 PM



THE DEATH OF MY CHILDHOOD


Standing in the bathroom you stare at yourself for hours.

I watched you as you slowly died before my eyes

It killed me to know I was helpless to stop it

I remember days at the beach the sand so hot you would pick me up
And put me on your shoulders carrying me to the safety of the seas
Cool waters

Riding with you on your bike

The wind in my hair and fear in my heart

Exhilaration mixed with terror

The camping trips, fishing in the dawns light as the mist drifted across the water and joy filled my heart

Memories now

Old memories slowly covered with dust

You died the next day

Taking my dreams with you

Your funeral was dark; depressing dying to young yes for the thousandth time I tell them I am fine

The room so full of whispers “ cancer at 35 so young so tragic “

In a year they will forget

There will be someone else to feel sorry for in some other place


Loneliness, depression fill my body as I stand in front of your mirror looking to see if a piece of you stayed behind, just a small piece so I don’t forget you

Older now my memories get hazy, sometimes I can’t picture your face and
I feel that I have betrayed your memory some how


Death

Yours and mine

Finding you in the tool shed. I came to let you know that breakfast was ready

My life died with you that day

My childhood gone forever as I stood staring to scared to look away

Watching

Watching

As you slowly swayed like the branches of an old tree in the wind

Mother’s screams going on forever

Sometimes I wake at night covered in sweat listening

As her screams echo through the darkness of the house

She was never the same after you died

Changed

She became a recluse and died alone

Surrounded by her memories

Her tablets and an empty vodka bottle

A dark wood coffin rolling slowly out of sight and into a burning hell

Alone
        
No one left to love

Your shed torn down like my childhood

Gone now with the scarred earth to forever remind me of that day

Scarred earth where the grass will never grow

Scarred eyes no more tears left to flow

© Copyright 2007 Christopher Duncan - All Rights Reserved
BrittanyJ
Member
since 2007-06-03
Posts 461
Come find me?
1 posted 2007-08-06 10:28 AM


Wow, another very chilling write...it's really painful when you lose someone you love at a young age...I really liked this.

So no more hiding all your pain, you deserve a new start. That's why i'm closing myself away, this is a message from your heart.

blue face
Member
since 2007-06-03
Posts 92

2 posted 2007-08-06 10:40 AM


I can diff relate to this
and I hope you feel better
hope to read more.
sarah


Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
3 posted 2007-08-06 10:34 PM


I'm a person who finds it hard to tell a lie... this poem is not of me at all, it was created mostly due to someones diary I found one day.

Nearly all the pages were torn out except for 3 and they helped to create this poem.

I'm glad you both liked it.

moondogz
Member
since 2007-05-01
Posts 397
Great White North
4 posted 2007-09-28 12:17 PM


Holy...that read really "twisted me." You obviously got inside the head of whoever's diary it was...very moving.
                 moon.

Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
5 posted 2007-09-28 12:25 PM


Thanks moondogz.

The pages that were left were pretty emotional, I felt a little bad for reading them but just could stop once I had started.

I envisioned the poem as I read the diary... in all honesty I damn near cried when I was done.

moondogz
Member
since 2007-05-01
Posts 397
Great White North
6 posted 2007-09-28 12:55 PM


I would say you did the journal writer a favour by bringing their story to light. And yes that poem could squeeze a tear out of solid granit.
                  moon.

Abbeon
Member
since 2006-11-30
Posts 228
Curiousity, and wonder
7 posted 2007-09-28 11:18 AM


Oh wow I was craving some amazing dark poetry and I found it. You write good no Great poetry. I like how your poem carried the reader away within the words.
To me those are the best poems. I will keep an eye out for more of your writing. I think you are already a great writer but we can always improve.

On this poem I don’t think you can improve because you can’t improve what already is amazing.

-Abbeon

The world behind these thoughtful eyes, caution may seem crazy.

thinktwice
Member
since 2003-12-23
Posts 125
United States
8 posted 2007-09-28 07:30 PM


that was impressive.

kinda refreshing.

Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
9 posted 2007-09-28 08:37 PM


Thanks guys for the great feedback.
Songbird
Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184
Missouri
10 posted 2007-10-03 02:43 AM


I am sure glad I went into the dark tonight, this was a great write, especially since it was not your on experience. I sure will be looking for more of your poetry.
trUstNooNe
Member
since 2006-05-21
Posts 91

11 posted 2007-10-04 08:11 PM


you have a gift...that sounds like it was hard but it touched me....
-thanks-

Tears-of-Sanity
Member
since 2007-09-05
Posts 121
Kingdom Hearts
12 posted 2007-10-08 01:07 AM


Whoever wrote these diaries must have touched your heart... I know how taht person felt, because my mother had cancer too... and I know how you feel, because now that mom is fine, I can read the past as pages of a lost diary and memories that I don't want to remember, yet I'd rather not forget.

To lose someone in young age is hard... very hard.

You must have had it hard to be able to understand all that from only three pages.
I hope I read more from you..
and thank you for being honest.

Tears of Sanity~

Zeely
New Member
since 2007-10-09
Posts 1

13 posted 2007-10-09 09:26 PM


Hi, I'm new to piptalk and have been exploring for the past hour.
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I think this is a beautiful piece. The title ties in so well and the lay-out itself is visually appealing.  

Peace and Love,
Zeely

Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
14 posted 2007-10-10 01:15 AM


trUstNooNe.

Thank you for replying, I'm glad it touched you.

Tears-of-Sanity.

The writing on the pages was somewhat... smallish (the best I can describe)so the 3 pages gave me quite a bit of information.

I was able to relate in several ways, partly due to my childhood which while not Bad it wasn't great... if you know what I mean, and the suicide of my Aunt due to Alcohol and loss, the pages drew me in and I could see myself in another life.

It's good to hear your mother made it through, Cancer is a bad one to have to endure.

Zeely.

I'm honored that you posted in my thread to begin your journey here on PIP.

It is a fantastic place full of good people so don't ever feel nervous about posting, and thank you for giving your thoughts I'm glad you liked my poem.

ladylisa
Member
since 2007-04-29
Posts 342
Florida USA
15 posted 2007-10-10 11:03 AM


Amazing write.  I lost a parent to cancer and it is true that a part of you dies with them.  Mine was my mother, and my best friend.  Maybe one day when I am gone someone will find my journal for it is filled with a lifetime of emotion.  Great read.
taramw
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 738

16 posted 2007-10-11 08:50 AM


I got goosebumps reading that.  

And sorrow.

It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.
-- Sister Elizabeth Kenny

taramw
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 738

17 posted 2007-10-11 08:56 AM


That poem was very touching.

In the last year I have experienced a cousin dying of a brain tumour and the effects it has had on her mother - who i am very close to.  I felt her pain in your words.

In the last year i have also lost a dear friend to cancer and dealt with the pain of his loved one.  And more lately the diagnosis of untreatable cancer of a daughter of a friend.  

Your words have touched me.

It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life.
-- Sister Elizabeth Kenny

Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
18 posted 2007-10-11 10:36 AM


ladylisa.

taramw.

Thank you both for reading, I was a little worried when I wrote this poem that I would not convey the loss of a loved one from Cancer.

I can see from not only yourselves but several others that I did manage to get it across and I am relieved to have done the Diary writer and those personally effected by the disease justice.

Angel101¢¾!
Junior Member
since 2007-10-21
Posts 48
Lost in pain
19 posted 2007-10-22 06:50 PM


Its really good u can write from your heart and someone elses i love this poem!!!
Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
20 posted 2007-10-22 08:34 PM


Thank you very much Angel.
voice2bheard
Senior Member
since 2007-10-19
Posts 591
New York
21 posted 2007-10-23 01:37 PM


loved it
Assassin_of_Verse
Member
since 2007-10-23
Posts 330
that So Cal
22 posted 2007-10-24 02:42 AM


Seeker72, THIS IS AMAZING! To be able to take someone else's words, feelings, thoughts, and mold it into a poem is amazing in itself...

But to write such a heartfelt poem! The emotion brought a tear to my eye. And I haven't cried for a year and a half.

The more you know, the more you know you don't know. -Socrates

Only at TroyT...

Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
23 posted 2007-10-24 11:26 AM


Thank you both for reading.

Assassin_of_Verse I'm happy it touched you, the diary was so powerful the words flowed without effort.

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