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Dark Poetry #4

A Dark Time

mged
Junior Member

since 2007-03-29

Posts 39
ND

0 posted 2007-04-19 03:47 PM

A black will
an emptiness to fill
a beating life
a dark strife
the end of a end
the worlds fall
the devil will rise
to come and kill
but only one will free us
even in the end
all will fall

mged
Junior Member

since 2007-03-29

Posts 39
ND

1 posted 2007-04-19 03:50 PM

Thank you all that posted for welcomeing me
please kept letting me know if i can improve
on anything

Thanks

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

2 posted 2007-04-24 12:49 PM

the end of a(n) end

you forgot the n but thats all I can see.. I liked this although the end didn't seem to have the same flow...
hunnie

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

Kitherion
Member

since 2006-08-01

Posts 181
Johannesburg

3 posted 2007-04-24 01:03 AM

Just a teeny, tiiny suggestion... try to either rhyme thougout or not rhyme at all. Other than that I thought it was awesome.

"Our Father who art in Heaven... Hallowed be thy name..."

unholyjudgement
Member

since 2007-02-27

Posts 116
Wherever my soul takes me next

4 posted 2007-04-24 09:12 AM

Well i loved it. It flowed like ancient prophecy unknown to all until it was to late.

My mind is like lightning
One brilliant flash and its gone

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