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Musicmaker1969
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-06-25
Posts 589
Peterborough, Ontario Canada

0 posted 2007-01-29 04:02 AM



I don't care about you.
Gee, I wonder why?
With your force and your demand
Why would I even try?

You don't have a girlfriend
Yet you're forty-three!
It is not a mystery
Just why you are so lonely.

You only just meet one
But you don't go slow
Just one step inside her door
And you want her to blow.

You could have had the world and me
If only you'd slowed down
But if you don't get things your own way
You get defensive, mad and frown.

Poor Puppy!

Jesus is my Rock, music is my sanity.
Sheri Liegh Adams
sheri1969@gmail.com

© Copyright 2007 Sheri Liegh Adams - All Rights Reserved
Fairplay
Member
since 2007-01-15
Posts 222
England
1 posted 2007-01-30 01:22 AM


Hiya
I read the last one you posted too   /pip/Forum84/HTML/002965.html  but didn’t go back to any of your stuff from last year….
Is this a verse about the same bloke who cant make the grade….
I don’t mean to be directly rude but it seems like a poor letter of complaint ie it makes the author look sadder than the miserable object which is the subject matter…
You need to point out more clearly he is the loser and you are on to better things

Just a thought

Eric

Idontmindyouundermyskin
Junior Member
since 2007-01-29
Posts 32

2 posted 2007-01-30 07:42 AM


I agree with fairplay.
It makes it seem like your putting him above you.
Single him out and don't make it seem like you did anything wrong when it was all him.

Musicmaker1969
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-06-25
Posts 589
Peterborough, Ontario Canada
3 posted 2007-01-31 12:06 PM


you both don't know the full story now do you?  a poem can only say so much of what happened.  you are the typical type who judge the survivor and not the perpetrator.  guess you don't know the truth about abuse do you?

Sheri

Jesus is my Rock, music is my sanity.
Sheri Liegh Adams
sheri1969@gmail.com

hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
4 posted 2007-02-01 04:07 PM


It says you encourage critiques, well the above replies, were just that, you didn't seem too happy to hear them though. I know abuse lived with it for 6 years might not have been me getting hurt but... I was in the middle, you do not know for sure they do not know abuse unless you really know them. Many people have lived with abuse and still do I think a lot of them can relate and here you are saying these people don't know abuse. This poem I liked it somewhat I don't know if the "dark" feeling was in it, It seemed out of place in this forum. thats just my opinion although I liked the poem. The only part I didn't like was "poor puppy" it kind of seemed expressionless a simple couple of words put together.
hunnie

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

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