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Dark Poetry #4
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hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada

0 posted 2007-01-20 01:19 AM


soul in lies
hunnie

Rooms filled with unfortunate souls,
all laughing and talking not knowing their doles,
So here I am talking all alone,
here is no different in these the places I've known,

Why am I so lost inside,
you can't say I haven't tried,
So i'm not one of your social butterflies,
a room of people full of lies,

The look on their faces is full of pity,
all these people, and I'm alone in this city,
Don't you tell me it can be changed,
the lives of these people can't be rearranged,

all thats left is the truth we all forgot,
we keep spreading lies knowing everything they bought.
I'll move on with depression and hate,
at least I know i'll be sure of my broken fate.

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

© Copyright 2007 Krysti - All Rights Reserved
Walter Poe
Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 787

1 posted 2007-01-20 10:41 AM


Hey you. Your gonna have to relax a bit this was a really good poem. It feels a little tense is all like you tried to hard chill. Don't try to write good poems. Just write you can i've seen it over and over those poems aren't good they are great.

Walter

To take a lot of pain,
take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud,
holds a lot of rain

Walter Poe
Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 787

2 posted 2007-01-20 10:47 AM


soul in lies
hunnie

Rooms filled with unfortunate souls,
all laugh and talk not knowing their roles,
So here I'm left talking all alone,
here is no different than the places I've known,

Why am I so lost inside,
you can't say that I haven't tried,
So i'm just not one of your social butterflies,
a room of people is just a room full of lies,

The look on their faces is so full of pity,
all these people, and I'm alone in this city,
Don't you tell me it can be changed,
The lives of these people cannot be rearranged,

all thats left is the truth we forgot,
You keep spreading lies knowing they'll be bought.
I'll move on with depression and hate,
at least I know i'll be sure in my broken fate.

How do you like this quick edit.

P.S i've added YOU to my library page that makes you no.3 in seven years so i must think you're good.

To take a lot of pain,
take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud,
holds a lot of rain

hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
3 posted 2007-01-20 11:59 PM


awe thanks walter I am honered, and The quick help on it was awesome I liked what you've done with it (no longer sounds so choppy) thanks,
luv hunnie

~fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me~

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