Thirteen Months And October

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Dark Poetry #4

Thirteen Months And October

trutodaraiders
Senior Member

since 2006-12-02

Posts 820
CA

0 posted 2007-01-17 01:04 AM

Foggy nights falling into a naked bed
Crisp feet, frigid hands, chilled heart
Edged, cumbersome, tired not
Sampling from fantasies plenty
Of tasted lips, scented hair, or pleasant voice
Concrete aches from thankless days
Whispers of Thoreau's lovely solitudes
Nature's cruel faithfullness
Brilliant lakes bathed in beauty
Can pain be docile like this
Or Fate so cunning and bestial
Tapping on perfect clouded glass
The leaking rainfalls.

Poetry is just the evidence of life.
If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash. "
Leon Cohen~

sisterlynx
New Member

since 2007-01-17

Posts 7

1 posted 2007-01-17 04:59 AM

I liked the Thoreau reference and that you called fate cunning, and bestial.
Leaves the reader wanting to know more..

trutodaraiders
Senior Member

since 2006-12-02

Posts 820
CA

2 posted 2007-01-17 11:42 AM

Thanks sister I will have a follow up piesce

trebuchet
Junior Member

since 2007-01-12

Posts 30

3 posted 2007-01-18 08:24 PM

Liked this overall -- I have to say, though, that "tired not" sticks out like it doesn't quite fit. Perhpas there's another word that communicates this better without having to end a line in "not"?

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

4 posted 2007-01-19 08:57 AM

Pleased to read this side of your thoughts Tru. I understood the tired not, as restlessness...a mind moving beyond exhaustion.

Perfect clouded glass, and leaking rain...for sure.
TD

trutodaraiders
Senior Member

since 2006-12-02

Posts 820
CA

5 posted 2007-01-24 01:09 PM

Thanks Diamond for the understanding i will be posting more in this forum

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