navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » Ode to Crazy
Dark Poetry #4
Post A Reply Post New Topic Ode to Crazy Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams

0 posted 2006-10-15 05:56 PM


Ode to Crazy

I am sorry
I'm not perfect
But I have come
so much farther
Then you had ever hoped for me

It would be a lie
To say that my fear
or my anxiety has now subdued

Therefore I'll still trip
With grace I'll smile
Just knowing falling isn't failing

I have my demon
I call him Carlos

-Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silient all these Years, Tori Amos

[This message has been edited by Juju (10-16-2006 01:06 AM).]

© Copyright 2006 Juju - All Rights Reserved
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2006-06-18
Posts 2567
Canada
1 posted 2006-10-15 10:41 PM


Therefore I'll still trip
With grace I'll smile
Just knowing falling isn't failing.

i think this stanza just made the whole poem come together but it could be just me i liked this poem... it portrayed a lot of feelings. nicely written
hunnie*

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war and a time for peace   ~Ecclesiastes 3:8~

Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
2 posted 2006-10-15 11:02 PM


Thank you, But I'm unsure about the usage of subdued.  It might not be a word. I was looking at my dictionary and I didn't seee it in that form...  I might have to change it.  I need to think of a better replacement. I also don't like the "ings". I plan on changing the stanza.  I thought it would work, but looking back at it it is messy.

-Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thougts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silient all these Years, Tori Amos

[This message has been edited by Juju (10-16-2006 01:08 AM).]

shatteredsilver
Member
since 2005-03-31
Posts 63
middle of nowhere
3 posted 2006-10-21 10:08 PM


Therefore I'll still trip
With grace I'll smile
Just knowing falling isn't failing

And it's very hard to tell yourself falling isn't failing...

I think subduded is fine (and I believe it is a word. Of course, that might just be in my head)

Other than that, I might rework some of the beginning. But the rest is very nice.

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » Ode to Crazy

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary