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Adam
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Adam |
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Sorrow Member
since 2006-06-14
Posts 83Ireland |
Adam On the day of 'Six' he sent us from above, to cherish all he'd done and to bask within his love. He sent us ten commandments and asked us to obey, promised that eternal life would come to us one day... But we took it all for granted, killed our fellow man, so he sent his son to put us right but we drove nails into his hand. Now all there is is death, hate, rage and malice, not a single one of us deserve to drink from his chalice. I hate this world we've made, corrupt and broken mess and the only shinning light is the bitter sting of death. But heaven is an empty place, as very few deserve to pass through it's pearly gate. |
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| © Copyright 2006 Keith - All Rights Reserved | |||
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trUstNooNe Member
since 2006-05-21
Posts 91 |
wow...nice write,i deff agree that we've polluted the world.Sometimes i feel like heaven is the only safe place but your right very few people deserve to go |
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stargal Senior Member
since 2006-03-06
Posts 1352OR USA |
Hey sorrow, Awesome poem! This has so much truth in it that it’s not funny… The good thing is that, even though we don’t deserve it, God has grace on us and lets us through if we have faith in what he’s done for us… Anyway, like I said great poem, I loved the truthfulness of this! Btw, I loved how you named this poem after Adam, the guy who started all of this mess... For me it's kind of ironic  Thanks for sharing @-->--- |
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Sorrow Member
since 2006-06-14
Posts 83Ireland |
thanks for your opinions stargal. The the title is one of my faveourite aspects of the poem also. |
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Internalexile Junior Member
since 2006-06-15
Posts 38UK |
Very true, so many people just assume that they will go to some form of heaven, yet they do nothing good to ensure this. Sad but true, heavne mustbe an empty place indeed! Internalexile Let the moonlight paint your face, let the stars be your cloak... |
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Decriel Junior Member
since 2006-08-08
Posts 27 |
Brilliant! this view i have thought of many times before but havent put into words!! / Magnificent |
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Digital_Hell Member
since 2006-06-05
Posts 202Amidst black roses |
Very true! A very good write! As my brother said MAGNIFICENT!!! A sign in the wind |
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Joe Houck Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 324california |
Intriguing, a complex yet simple story is Adam, I wrote a poem titled adam as well, same premise mostly I think. Good read Joe |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Interesting write. There was real power in the beginning of this piece. I might offer that you consider a more concise format for your work. The longer sentences drew away from the read to follow. Too good to miss a drop. Strong effort, well thought out theme. It's interesting that somehow in the plan, we are considering this all for ourselves, and I came away feeling like the commandments might be viewed as a guide, that inspires us that think about them to model a different path. Truly, life is an adventure woven simultaneously on all fronts. Enjoyed, TD |
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shatteredsilver Member
since 2005-03-31
Posts 63middle of nowhere |
"But heaven is an empty place, as very few deserve to pass through it's pearly gate." Exactly. I love it when someone can sum my feelings up in one simple line. |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
Come on... thats why the guy died... none deserve it... I like its simplicity and the title fits nicely. God bless, In Christ, -Craig Satan decelveth and cause women to watch Operah... |
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cherrys_rule Member
since 2006-03-18
Posts 442 |
MAN WAS THIS POEM AWSOME!!! It was the truth and you put it in words nobody else could think of. You did a great job on this writing. I hope to see more from you in the future Sorrow. Thanks for sharing. ~Courtney~ |
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sgreybe Member
since 2000-04-28
Posts 209London, UK |
Great piece Sorrow, really enjoyed it. So true and refreshing to see people who admit to this. The rawness of Adam really grasps one. Cheers, Sylvia |
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