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Passions in Poetry

Welcome to hell

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Alone in the dark
Member
since 02-10-2006
[First Post] 105
On the edge of an abyss


0 posted 04-22-2006 07:46 AM       View Profile for Alone in the dark   Email Alone in the dark   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Alone in the dark

           Welcome to hell
Welcome to hell
would you like to come in?
Step over the threshold
and let the journey begin

The first thing you do
is take a step back
Because hell makes no sense
and guidance is slack

So you wander around
in a place filled with screams
From the terror that finds it's way
into your dreams


There is no escape
from this place,you know
You can fight all you want
but hell won't let go

You'll look for a light
but find that there's none
And you can never undo
the damage you've done

So you sell your soul
in exchange for a deal
But in hell, deals break
and there is no appeal

The peace you were promised
never enters your mind
And the end to your nightmares
you're never to find

If this sounds like a place
that you'd like to be
Take hold of my hand
and come there with me

But first, I must warn you
of that which you'll lose
So listen carefully
before you choose

Your soul is the first thing to go
then your heart
And your sanity then
from you will depart

Then you're lost and you're lonely
not knowing your needs
And it's from this confusion
that pure evil feeds

So you sink even lower
inside of this place
And you put on a mask
to cover your face

So that nobody knows
the pain that you hide
And nobody knows
the place you reside

And this I can tell you
with certainty
Your soul will be lost
for eternity            
      

© Copyright 2006 Alone in the dark - All Rights Reserved
Alone in the dark
Member
since 02-10-2006
Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss


1 posted 04-22-2006 08:20 AM       View Profile for Alone in the dark   Email Alone in the dark   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alone in the dark

I've never let people read my poems before, so this is pretty scary for me. Seems like most stuff I write is pretty gloomy, so this is a great forum for me. I've read so many great poems that I can actually relate to.
Kaos
Member
since 08-02-2001
Posts 320
between space and time


2 posted 04-22-2006 02:35 PM       View Profile for Kaos   Email Kaos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kaos

"Then you're lost and you're lonely
not knowing your needs
And it's from this confusion
that pure evil feeds"

i like this line alot. This was an excellent write my friend. I liked the rhythmn it had to it and the flow of the piece in general was very good. Lookin forward to seeing more.

Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free
-i wrote it somewhere in time

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


3 posted 04-23-2006 12:39 AM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

You did an excellent job in this poem, and don't worry about being gloomy - lots of folks love that doom and gloom stuff, me for one!  Welcome to Passions In Poetry - hope you enjoy it here.

Waste not a second ~ Carpe' Diem

Alone in the dark
Member
since 02-10-2006
Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss


4 posted 04-23-2006 01:59 AM       View Profile for Alone in the dark   Email Alone in the dark   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alone in the dark

Thanks for taking the time to let me know what you think. I was really nervous about letting anyone see what I write, because it's the only way I've ever been able to express myself, so it's very personal to me. So thanks for the feedback. It means alot
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


5 posted 04-23-2006 06:40 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

You'll look for a light
but find that there's none
And you can never undo
the damage you've done

The only thing I was missing was the welcome... I somehow slipped in without one. *S*

Excellent write... and now... welcome to Passions... may it never be hell for you. *S*
Alone in the dark
Member
since 02-10-2006
Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss


6 posted 04-24-2006 01:34 AM       View Profile for Alone in the dark   Email Alone in the dark   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alone in the dark

Yeah,nobody sent the welcome wagon for me either. It was a pretty lonely descent for me, so I figured I'd let people know they won't be alone, should they ever find themselves there someday too
DavidTheLion
Junior Member
since 04-06-2006
Posts 36


7 posted 05-18-2006 01:24 PM       View Profile for DavidTheLion   Email DavidTheLion   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for DavidTheLion

I feel a lot of loneliness in that poem for some reason. Dont stop posting here thats for sure, I think the best poems are from the soul anyways, from people who "are deep"...and you're deep.

I look forward to being taken to hell with you!
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


8 posted 05-18-2006 02:38 PM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

I think when your so far close to the bottom, is when you realize the good in life's journey

this was gripping...and well written, very much enjoyed!
Sweetie01
Junior Member
since 05-15-2006
Posts 28
NJ, USA


9 posted 05-20-2006 10:24 PM       View Profile for Sweetie01   Email Sweetie01   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sweetie01

Excelent write! I enjoyed it a lot,
your a talented writer...keep it up
  Amanda<33
Alone in the dark
Member
since 02-10-2006
Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss


10 posted 06-04-2006 11:56 PM       View Profile for Alone in the dark   Email Alone in the dark   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alone in the dark

Thank you all so much for your replies and support. There is indeed a lot of loneliness in this poem. I wrote it during one of the darkest times in my life. The hell I wrote of wasn;t the biblical one. It was my life. I;m still hoping to find my way out someday.

   *Angel*
trUstNooNe
Member
since 05-21-2006
Posts 91


11 posted 06-14-2006 12:07 AM       View Profile for trUstNooNe   Email trUstNooNe   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for trUstNooNe

very nice and very well written. it actually makes u think about hell in a differnt way
Alone in the dark
Member
since 02-10-2006
Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss


12 posted 06-14-2006 03:50 AM       View Profile for Alone in the dark   Email Alone in the dark   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alone in the dark

Sometimes I think the other one would be easier to deal with than trying to live through hell on earth.

   *Angel*
Frank W. Torres
Member
since 06-10-2006
Posts 132


13 posted 06-14-2006 03:55 PM       View Profile for Frank W. Torres   Email Frank W. Torres   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Frank W. Torres

Great Poem! Striking.
Internalexile
Junior Member
since 06-15-2006
Posts 38
UK


14 posted 06-15-2006 03:29 PM       View Profile for Internalexile   Email Internalexile   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Internalexile

Brillient write, the ryming was awesome!

Internalexile

Let the moonlight paint your face, let the stars be your cloak...

perfect stranger
Member
since 05-29-2006
Posts 54
on cloud 9


15 posted 06-15-2006 10:13 PM       View Profile for perfect stranger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for perfect stranger

poem brilliant, keep up the good work this is my kind of poem,ive been there but now life is on the up and up,hope you get what your looking for surely not hell,  
greysolace
Member
since 03-27-2006
Posts 71


16 posted 06-16-2006 12:18 AM       View Profile for greysolace   Email greysolace   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for greysolace

wow. thts all i can say. wow. simply amazing.

"So you sink even lower
inside of this place
And you put on a mask
to cover your face

So that nobody knows
the pain that you hide
And nobody knows
the place you reside"

this part personally struck me. i applaude u.

~~Poetry is written emotion~~
greysolace

playing.with.crayons
Member
since 01-02-2006
Posts 360
Neverland


17 posted 06-20-2006 06:28 AM       View Profile for playing.with.crayons   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for playing.with.crayons

You are indeed a lovely writer who pens pain with every word, but I'll say this my friend, that this poem was written right from the soul. And you'll feel it one day and realise that it wasn't gone, just misplaced, or perhaps wearing a mask itself.
A very touching first write!
much love Cheye xx
Digital_Hell
Member
since 06-05-2006
Posts 193
Amidst black roses


18 posted 06-20-2006 03:23 PM       View Profile for Digital_Hell   Email Digital_Hell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Digital_Hell

Striking poem. very beautifully written. and dont worry about being alone, there are oters down tere waiting for company! Amazing work keep it up!

hells gate reads Abandon hope all ye that enter here
shall we go?
the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Will you walk with me?

stargal
Senior Member
since 03-06-2006
Posts 1350
OR USA


19 posted 06-20-2006 04:31 PM       View Profile for stargal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for stargal

"Welcome to hell
would you like to come in?
Step over the threshold
and let the journey begin
"

Wow! Talk about an amazing beginning, it seemed to draw you into wanting to read more and more...

The imagery in this was brilliant, I loved reading the whole thing. Everything seemed to fit perfectly in with the idea, nothing didn't belong it was all where it should be.

Great job, I can't wait to read more

@-->---

Alone in the dark
Member
since 02-10-2006
Posts 105
On the edge of an abyss


20 posted 06-20-2006 08:44 PM       View Profile for Alone in the dark   Email Alone in the dark   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alone in the dark

Wow! I'm amazed by the response to this poem. I'd always felt so alone in my feelings, set apart and different than everyone else. I had no idea that I had neighbors in hell. lol.

   ^*^Angel^*^
themute
Member
since 05-08-2006
Posts 470
Maryland


21 posted 06-24-2006 11:19 PM       View Profile for themute   Email themute   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for themute

one major misconception about the biblical hell is that there is terror or torture
good none the less

Sikanda
Member
since 10-08-2002
Posts 55


22 posted 07-20-2006 08:50 PM       View Profile for Sikanda   Email Sikanda   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sikanda

I really like this poem a lot. It kinda reminds me of my poem "abyss" (shameless plug here!) a poem I posted here awhile back that I never got any responses too

The rhythym is amazing!

"There is no escape
from this place,you know
You can fight all you want
but hell won't let go"

this is how I feel practically all of the time! I agree with your comment about this hell being preferable to the one on earth - I often feel that way. Then again I don't really belive in hell - not the biblical one anyways but thats another subject...

I haven't posted here in awhile...seems I don't ever get that many replies. Like "abyss" for example - no-one replied to that one at all.

If you do want to read my poetry you can either do a search for my name and read the stuff I posted here(which isn't much), email me and I'll send you some, or wait until I put all on my website(which you can email me at anna_sirii@yahoo.com to get the link to) and read it there...
Venus1974
Member
since 07-15-2006
Posts 79
Tennessee, USA


23 posted 07-23-2006 11:55 PM       View Profile for Venus1974   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Venus1974

Most of my poetry is dark too...the hell some of us experience is so defeating at times but, I think probably like me this is the way you vent your feelings out and in venting there can be healing...it takes time unfortunately for some of us A LOT OF TIME but, it is gonna be worth it in the end...I look forward to reading more of your poetry...I really enjoyed this and as someone already said it all seemed to fit just perfectly from begining to end!

Peace and happiness to us all, Venus
Walter Poe
Senior Member
since 10-13-1999
Posts 724


24 posted 09-30-2006 05:37 AM       View Profile for Walter Poe   Email Walter Poe   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Walter Poe

Ok i came i read and it is dark. It is and at the very least it deserves another go around.

I am going to re read this poem a couple of times and it may even make it to my library in which case i guess i'm gonna have to start thinking.

I could critique this poem and i'm sure if i read through the thread in total someone has but in the end this poem isn't about the words.

What i mean is the emotion is what is important its what feeds the darkness.

This poem has emotion. there can be no greater acheivment than that

Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

 
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