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brokenboy
New Member
since 2006-04-01
Posts 2
Uk, wales...yep land of sheep!

0 posted 2006-04-01 02:23 PM



Nightmare


Vicious hatred beneath the surface,
concealed from the eyes of the beholder,
enfeebling without trace,
senses boiled colder,
breaks as fatality comes to the inner flame
howling vigorously
endlessly, impossible to tame,
bound to your spirit,
no longer under control,
spilling dark side over light,
as it ignites your soul,
holding an eternal fight,
unbearable flares scorching through its cage,
burning the depths of your flesh into night
twisting tears, tormenting rage.
tearing you apart from within,
sinking your soul into hell,
where true pain shall begin,
torturing slowly as the sun shall crawl,
aimlessly screaming for aid.
turning to the twilight , tears no longer fall,
as the darkness begins to fade.
enjoy lol


better to have never met you in my dreams than to wake and reach for your hand every morning only to know your not here"

Hannah what happened to yo

© Copyright 2006 Andrew Reaney - All Rights Reserved
aliway
Member
since 2006-03-05
Posts 185
With in your eyes
1 posted 2006-04-01 11:49 PM


welcome to pip

WoW...This was deep.
I don’t like the ending if it’s the “enjoy lol” but if its not then you shouldn’t put it with the poem, because after you read your poem and seeing “enjoy lol” right at the end it throws off what you're saying.

Great poem, love to read more of your work.


click1
Member
since 2003-03-25
Posts 152
usa
2 posted 2006-04-02 12:32 PM


LOL, nicely done! "enfeebling"? I like this word,A verb? a noun? cool..but the rest comes through also!
                Thanx!!!

Click

brokenboy
New Member
since 2006-04-01
Posts 2
Uk, wales...yep land of sheep!
3 posted 2006-04-02 04:58 AM


rawr! , "enjoy lol" wasn't part of the poem, i didn't know how to edit it out >_< , o yeah and enfeebling means = taking strength away.
greysolace
Member
since 2006-03-27
Posts 71

4 posted 2006-04-04 11:00 PM


i think the "enjoy lol" was nice anyway... without the "lol", its like some dark humor. it could be said smugly or meanly sarcastic.

its really good. conveys so much emotion. reminds me of some of my stuff, actually. awesome.

~~Poetry is written emotion~~
greysolace

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