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Dark Poetry #4

untitled 2

ForeverPoetic
Junior Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 28
Streaming down a tranquil sea

0 posted 2006-01-21 06:31 PM

I awake in ths new place.
To a supposedly new morning
I look in the mirror
And its the same old thing

I hurry to make my bus
To make my class
To get working on my test
Only to come home to the same things

Living on my own
I thought would be easier
I thought it would make my life better
I was wrong

I realize
Its only a matter of time
Before my life becomes ruined once more
But still I must go on

days weeks months years
I can only wish
But its only been 24 hours
And im lost once more

God save me.

ForeverPoetic
Junior Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 28
Streaming down a tranquil sea

1 posted 2006-01-22 10:00 PM

I guess no one likes my poetry
No comments

SATURN
Member

since 2004-05-04

Posts 78
ok,us

2 posted 2006-02-01 12:42 PM

Nice write and very effective.

p.s.
You are never alone.

~Hali~

desert-spike
Member

since 2006-02-01

Posts 194
TX/USA

3 posted 2006-02-01 10:10 PM

Oh the pains of finding out it's harder than they said it would be.

I remember those.
You've captured the heart of being overburdened in its most bare bones, unfrilled, unrefined state.
Nicely done.

Also I apologize for not getting to your poem sooner. I'm still getting the hang of this place.

ForeverPoetic
Junior Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 28
Streaming down a tranquil sea

4 posted 2006-02-02 05:23 AM

Thanks everyone for the critic and the wonderfull replys. Much appreciated.

Stars, though unseen on dark nights. Are still there, just hidden away. Twinkling, winking at us, and laughing at our dismay

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member

since 2004-02-01

Posts 715
New Zealand

5 posted 2006-02-04 12:45 PM

Sorry sorry, been too busy to reply.

This is. How do I put it? Awesome (No one likes your poetry? Phooey!).
Very Groundhog cool, tiring though too.

Hollow.
Courts.

Come on God, do I seem bulletproof?

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