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Dark Poetry #4

demonheart

Phoenix-reborn
New Member

since 2005-12-21

Posts 3
canada

0 posted 2005-12-22 05:16 PM

I'm a demon girl
hiding, waiting
in this fake shell

im a redeyed creature
with black feathered wings
everytime someone dies
a feather falls away.
each one,
a curse on those
who touch it.

they grow back endlessly
waiting for more death
murders, suicides
or even accidents

inside is plain evil
desire to manipulate
to see the fear in their eyes
would be an orgasm
they avoid me
as best as they can
but if they cross the path
they will get burnt

the only ones i like
are the ones like me
the ones who hate
and love to hate

beautiful, wild, and ruthless
-dangerous combinations
in this fake shell of a human girl.

shades of paul
Member

since 2005-12-14

Posts 370
In Reality

1 posted 2005-12-24 09:18 AM

A very good dark poem...........paul

shades of paul,peace,love,and happiness

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

2 posted 2006-01-25 06:33 PM

very cool idea behind this. i like how you relate ebing the fake shell of a girl, very cool idea.

'im a redeyed creature
with black feathered wings
everytime someone dies
a feather falls away.
each one,
a curse on those
who touch it.'

love the description used there, good write

Life is a torment and torment an enigma. So burn the shackles of slavery and let love run free
-i wrote it somewhere in time

sanozatsho
Junior Member

since 2006-01-26

Posts 14

3 posted 2006-01-28 12:41 PM

i find it to be a nice however it seemed that the flow was rough. not a smooth trasnition. i feel the three stanza i believe could be emitted. you drive a good pooint but there are follow ups i feel that are not there. perhaps i am being too gramtical.
you speak of good darkness, human nature is a...evil thing at times. however i feel that you would do better if you went into more detail of this evil, the ruthlessness of humans, i believe your aim my have been females. i suppose i am looking for a deeper more detailed expression.

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