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Assassin_of_Verse
Member
since 2007-10-23
Posts 330
that So Cal

0 posted 2008-01-24 09:55 AM



The Dark Horse

I am the dark thought
brooding within.
Mingled with madness,
surrounded by sin.

I am the strength
that conquers and quells.
A darkened clarity,
like the hymns of brass bells.

I am the shadow
guiding your eyes.
Though I seldom tell truths,
I will whisper no lies.

I am the triumphant,
no matter the cost.
But sometimes it’s better
to have quarreled and lost.

Although I loathe evil,
I can not choose a side.
I am the dark horse.
I am the divide.

1/23/08

© Copyright 2008 Andrew - All Rights Reserved
shattered-smiles
Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 247
inside the shadows
1 posted 2008-01-25 08:18 AM


I like this poem a lot.  The only thing I would be to critique, is that the rhyming seemed a little forced in some stanzas.

Although I loathe evil,
I can not choose a side.
I am the dark horse.
I am the divide

I didn't really get what "I am the divide" is supposed to mean.  Maybe I'm just not thinking enough?  Great write anyway.
TJ

[&] she's a blood broken rose

KatKali
Member
since 2008-01-03
Posts 67
Where the wispers grow louder
2 posted 2008-01-25 05:01 PM


I think its very good, I can't place it but for some reason it reminds me of a foggy night, with a light rain. Paints a great picture.
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 2008-01-20
Posts 891
Neverland
3 posted 2008-01-26 01:23 AM


It has alot of detail that most poets are sometimes scared to put in. i think that if ohters don't like it, who cares?! it's you'r poem you can write it the way you want. sorry for being so ...oh whats the word? well whatever. I enjoyed it and liked the way you worded everything. and katkali is right, it does paint a great picture.

FoReVeR.BrOkEn

Seeker72
Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 387
Oregon USA
4 posted 2008-01-26 01:51 AM


Damn good poem, loved it.
Assassin_of_Verse
Member
since 2007-10-23
Posts 330
that So Cal
5 posted 2008-01-26 02:45 AM


Thank you for all your kind words (and critiques). This poem shines a light on the darker side that I seem to be feeling these days. The title was inspired by the book "The Dark Horse" by John Fischer.
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