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Dark Poetry #4

Dust of Time

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

0 posted 2005-11-18 12:25 PM

Memories
   of empty things
that don't exist
      only whispered
among a nonexistent audience
     brushed off
behind the masquerade of convenient
    inebriation
   I can't say
          I...
     I can't stop the colors
  from flashing before my eyes
but my hand      a paintbrush for my soul
a living extension
    breathing forth      fighting
when the rest     is hopeless
    to remind
of where the dust of time
     calls home

* i'm not sure if i should seperate these into two poems or leave them together... any ideas?

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
-Dylan Thomas

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member

since 2003-06-26

Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx

1 posted 2005-11-22 02:06 AM

Leave it as one. The top sounds and looks more controled and calm and the bottom is like an equal opposite type thing. Nice. Time goes extremely slow at an insanely fast raging speed. It seems only appropriate it would leave dust either floating in the air or dust bunnies piled up 6 feet high, lol. God bless.

-GIS

Kaos
Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 317
between space and time

2 posted 2005-11-22 03:02 PM

thank you GIS your comments have been very helpful to me and i appreciate it

- mike

"Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light"
-Dylan Thomas

HAZMATTO
Junior Member

since 2005-11-24

Posts 14

3 posted 2005-11-26 06:19 AM

KAOS LEAVE THEM TOGETHER BUT MIGHT I SUGGEST ADDING ONE MORE VERSE IN BETWEEN THAT ASKS HOW DO I FIT IN GOING 400 MILES AN HOUR WITH MY HAIR ON FIRE. VERY GOOD INSIGHT ON THREE STEPS FORWARD ONLY TO GO BACK TWO.

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