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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

0 posted 2005-09-09 09:33 PM


she asked me
a lady
a stranger
what was
in there.
She was talking about my notebook
and I
standing there
not wanting to sound
like an overdramatic artist
but managing to anyway
told her
that I didn't know
that I don't go in there anymore
for fear of what the words
already lurking on the pages would tell me about myself
that the ink had all but abandoned me
for two years now
there was a sickening dry feeling in my soul
where my pen used to draw its strength from
and that I was afraid
that those pages
with their empty eyes wide open
were watching for my words
and would disdain
every stain
no matter how beautiful I tried to make it.

"I want to heal, I want to feel, like I'm close to something real"
-Linkin Park_

© Copyright 2005 Jennifer - All Rights Reserved
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
1 posted 2005-09-11 12:46 PM


Nice writing...James
River
Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627
my own little world
2 posted 2005-09-11 01:19 AM


I like it, and i understand it also. I asked someone to burn one of my journals for a similer reason. cool beans.

           - River

How can I stand here and not be moved by you? - Lifehouse

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx
3 posted 2005-09-11 03:17 AM


I write in my journal just about everyday faithfully.  Once I get it filled I'm going to close it too.  Yeah, it isn't exactly frightening what it says, but some of it is a bit different...  Nice write.  Like looking in the mirror and seeing blood and open cuts all over your face with interesting little puddles everywhere.  Turn away, look back its gone.  Look back again and see them, standing silent, and focused...

-GIS

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
4 posted 2005-09-11 07:05 AM


I know this feeling Jen. It's good to read you again!
Masked Intruder
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 Tours
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-05-23
Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets
5 posted 2005-09-12 10:44 PM


I step back,
fill the well
with heart's blood
and let it soak
out in stains
upon parchment.


(*ooooo spilt milk...i like milk*)

nice read, love

-*-*-

Immortality is my illusion.

coyote
Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077

6 posted 2005-09-16 09:26 PM


Great write, T.

"Fear not
for I am with you."

CB 8)

"If at first an idea is not absurd, there is no hope for it."
Albert Einstein

alibaster
Member
since 2001-07-07
Posts 299
In my own private hell...(PA).
7 posted 2005-09-24 02:09 AM


...and of all things to read upon my return...

How my mind has foresaken me,
my black soul has run dry,
my darkness consumes my entire being,
but not a word do my fingers release...
Simply, the Queen of Darkness weeping.

...Wonderful to read your words, my dearest old friend!

"There is an alter ego which dwells within every soul."-alibaster

"If it doesn't bite, scratch, and make you bleed it isn't worth it"-alibaster

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
8 posted 2005-09-25 08:58 AM


TemptyOne~
I, for one, am so glad she asked ... and to have you add another page to that notebook is OUR pleasure in your sharing~

Good to see you gal~
Hope all is well in your little corner of this world~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram <))><

Email noles1@totcon.com

Paragon
Member
since 2003-02-16
Posts 114

9 posted 2005-09-28 10:42 AM


I must say that this is an extremely captivating read. The sense of desperation, grasping for words like a drowning man seeks air... yeah it was definitely an excellent read. I know the fear of not being able to write well enough or sound well enough... poetry and journal alike... well done with this one.

Paragon

Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
10 posted 2005-09-28 08:01 PM


I can relate to this one only too well.  Great writing.



taramw
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 738

11 posted 2005-10-06 01:06 AM


I loved this!!!  Could really relate... sadly
Obsidian Snow
Member
since 2005-08-24
Posts 88

12 posted 2005-10-06 09:42 AM


An artist feels and fears many things, that is why they write, sing, paint...whatever form of art they engage..

and that is a beautiful thing not to be feared.

Enjoyed this.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
13 posted 2005-10-06 12:23 PM


and that I was afraid
that those pages
with their empty eyes wide open
were watching for my words


as are we...

M

Mad_Hatter
Member
since 2003-06-29
Posts 393
Canada
14 posted 2005-10-07 07:48 PM


I can relate to this so well.  Sometimes I've written things about myself and about my life that are just too hard to go back and read, because they are pure honesty and pure vulnerability.  Thanks for sharing.
darkness_witch
Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516
Underneath
15 posted 2005-10-08 07:50 PM


this was beautiful. Reading this made me see why i;ve stopped writing as much as I used to.

Well done on writing what i've been trying to realise for a long time.

thank you.

nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world.

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S
16 posted 2005-11-06 07:19 AM


O a feeling I know all to well and can understand more then most. words are our life-blood and without them we dry up and turn to Ash. A truly beautiful piece

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-


gelato
Member
since 2005-10-27
Posts 63
TN,USA
17 posted 2005-11-06 10:28 AM


Beautiful way to put what we all feel.

"Buckle Up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car"

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