navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » Twisted Angel
Dark Poetry #4
Post A Reply Post New Topic Twisted Angel Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Pluto
Junior Member
since 2005-07-12
Posts 12


0 posted 2005-07-12 01:42 PM



You destroy your body,
For your own twisted fun.
You taint yourself with drugs,
Cos you can’t see the sun.
You kill me when I see you,
I have to shut my eyes.
I don’t wanna be alive,
When your spirit finally dies.
Why can’t your tragic eyes see,
That your rainbow will fade?
I clutch to everything,
That your precious hands have made.
Don’t leave me here,
On this wretched earth.
Where angels cry out in pain,
Cos they know how little life is worth.

© Copyright 2005 Pluto - All Rights Reserved
Savage Quiescence
Member
since 2002-07-29
Posts 326
Wandering
1 posted 2005-07-15 02:17 PM


I liked this. The only part that I thought needed work was:

"You taint yourself with drugs,
Cos you can’t see the sun"

I didn't like the second line. It seemed like you only added it to have a rhyme.

Other than that, very well written.

www.livejournal.com/users/alimakins

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx
2 posted 2005-07-15 08:59 PM


I thought it was great.  Seems like a twisted angel is an angel with a vice.  Oh, and yeah this world is pretty worthless.  Its only God and love that really make any difference, at least to me.  Well said before I go smoke a cigarrette... so much for perfect.

-GIS

Thr enemies name is Satan a.k.a. "The Stoopid Angel"

jjote
Senior Member
since 2002-12-25
Posts 1088
Ontario, Canada
3 posted 2005-07-22 12:48 PM


"On this wretched earth.
Where angels cry out in pain,
Cos they know how little life is worth."

I liked these last lines and the image that angels in heaven are shedding tears over how people wreck their own lives and others so recklessly..but I'm not comfortable in the use of "Cos" for beginning the line. Maybe delete it? It won't change I think the message.

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #4 » Twisted Angel

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary