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Dark Poetry #4
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Alicat
Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094
Coastal Texas

0 posted 2005-05-26 02:42 PM



I stayed, you died
I am still alive
With you in me
In my memory
But now I'm free
You are dead to me
No more memory
Of you in me
I am still alive
I stayed, you died

Alicat
5/26/05

© Copyright 2005 Alastair Adamson - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2005-05-27 12:11 PM


pull no punches...

this is so deceptively simple.

nods

Pain is like that.



tis a voice of the primal, bro.

An articulate and honest scream, with implications that resonate

Hollow_Emptiness
Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715
New Zealand
2 posted 2005-05-27 02:12 AM


A slap in the face for me. Remains there for a while because I'll be thinking about it, and it stings a little. Is this too metaphoric? Meh. Awesome writing dude.

Come on God, do I seem bulletproof?

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

3 posted 2005-05-30 04:41 PM


came back to read because it's a primal scream sorta day.

and again, the simplicity of this works well for me bro.

kissa~rachelle
Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988
nowhere special
4 posted 2005-05-30 10:04 PM


I like this alot.....it was simple..but complicated..like there is a whole story behind it thats soo comlicated but you made it seem so simple. amazing.

~karissa

I ask why, but in my mind,
I find i cant really rely on myself.
~~~Linkin Park~~~

Sikanda
Member
since 2002-10-08
Posts 54

5 posted 2005-06-02 02:04 PM


short but sweet...
TexUS
Member
since 2003-03-20
Posts 228

6 posted 2005-06-14 11:16 PM


Very affecting...made me ponder, made me weep.
Great work.

Alicat
Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094
Coastal Texas
7 posted 2005-06-15 10:47 PM


Thanks everyone for the responses.  This came from one of those halfdreams, and is vaguely personally.  In the dream I was forcibly evicting certain departed people in my life, and woke and wrote it as quickly as possible so as not to lose it.  I ran it by Serenity, and she saw layers I hadn't thought of, until my third or fourth read.  That's what I like, layers, where I can just write the blasted things, and let others tweak it to fit themselves.


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