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Dark Poetry #4
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River
Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627
my own little world

0 posted 2005-01-22 09:13 PM


The sound of pulsating agony
the stains of mind grappling hate
fear
the stench
it's over
and left with a mess of pain.

tangled twisted ball of wire,
can you scratch your way,
bleed your way to comfort?

spell these letters once more
superficial drama
and you've got a well blended
cold brew of inebriation
absent of a previous bottle.

not the side effect of usual stupidity,
but a mind over hung on the past,
a future absent of present.

singled out one by one,
you all nod your heads,
close your eyes,
and wish that upon opening
you do not see the world for what it really is -
drunk with ignorance.

"Stained by the sun, I can see colors...colors of mercy washing over me." - 3 Minutes From Home

© Copyright 2005 Bonnie Sue Bixler - All Rights Reserved
green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx
1 posted 2005-01-24 01:13 AM


I'm sorta distracted right now, but what I got I liked.  It sounded cool.  And yeah, I wish people would read the envelope before judgement too, perhaps even open their eyes.  

-GIS

Corruption is caused by holes in obedience to God.

Lexy
Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038
California
2 posted 2005-02-01 05:24 PM


not the side effect of usual stupidity,
but a mind over hung on the past,
a future absent of present.

wow! I love that part.
so true.

News_From_Nowhere
Member
since 2002-06-14
Posts 173
CU, NY
3 posted 2005-02-07 01:57 AM


If you had left it at
"The sound of pulsating agony drunk with ignorance"
This poem would have been my epitath.
This was great. Truly great.

Rider


"So give life to your dreams, for there lies your survival, and cast your heart beyond those faded scenes, and I'll bring you through the storm"

green_itchy_stuff
Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929
New Caney, Tx
4 posted 2005-02-07 11:19 PM


The last two lines and my other responce make it somewhat ironic.  You can almost see it slurring.  And definitely over hung.  I didn't read all of my last responce but if I didn't say it before this was definitely pretty cool and amusing.

-GIS

Corruption is caused by holes in obedience to God.

silhouetted
Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537
New Zealand
5 posted 2005-02-08 11:13 PM


i liked that a lot. brutally real, and honest...

ALSO... i read one of your replies to my poems, and your signature was from one of my FAV ever songs... everything from lifehouse. you rock my world! that song is so brilliant, and that was my fav line from the song too. AWESOME!

you're the only one keeping me alive

tecoyah
Member
since 2003-11-16
Posts 83
NY
6 posted 2005-02-12 09:11 AM


This is the Kicker:

singled out one by one,
you all nod your heads,
close your eyes,
and wish that upon opening
you do not see the world for what it really is -
drunk with ignorance.

In this ending you manage to set the message for all that came before....I was not expecting it, and therefore very much enjoyed it.

Well Done

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