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Dark Poetry #4
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Everywhere I Go...
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Everywhere I Go... |
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Purity Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526Once Upon, USA |
I drove uptown for lunch. I power-napped to dream. I walked along the tracks. I forced myself to scream. 'Cause everywhere I go, I see you. I see you. I tried to let it go. I did the first time through. I forgave the you with her. I got a he with you... Now everywhere I go, I see you. I see you for you. I heard your sorry plea. I heard your you love me. I saw your you with him. I saw you turn away from me. So everywhere I go, I see you. I see you betray me. I think I'll take a rest. I think I'll be OK. I pray for someone new. I pray for real love someday. Yet everywhere I go, I see you. I see you... Losing out on me. Wings bruised from turning away in such confined space...Not broken...still healable...still feathered with life, somewhere |
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| © Copyright 2005 Carrigan Chantz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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coyote Senior Member
since 2001-03-17
Posts 1077 |
I liked the repetitive style. It keeps the reader focused on the pain. Nice work, Carri. CB 8) "If at first an idea is not absurd, there is no hope for it." |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
The poem does keep you focused on the pain. You could almost see blood spurting from your mouth as you read and you talk through it. Until at the end where you stand firm, but shaken. -GIS add Corruption is caused by holes in obedience to God. |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
Read this and pretend your reading from Jesus's point of view, but the end is different. -GIS Corruption is caused by holes in obedience to God. |
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Broken_Winged_Angel Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994Small Town, Somewhere |
I liked the repetive style as well. But my favorite part was the last couple of lines. Well done. BWA |
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TexUS Member
since 2003-03-20
Posts 228 |
Very powerful write, felt this deeply... |
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