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Dark Poetry #4
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Retail Therapy.
| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Retail Therapy. |
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Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
I, I turn away, As you stop pretending it’s a joke. Love; love rolls off the tongue as easily, As good-bye. You, you hitch a ride in my mind, As you apologize. So, so you read this, As I question if you know it’s you. Much, much I wonder or is it wander? As you stand still and hold your breath. Pity, pity you look right through me, As I wave enthusiastically. You, you don’t understand, As you tread lightly, trampling my lust. Don’t; don’t stop that smile, As mine grows dull. Feel; feel through dusty fingers, As my hand holds yours. The, the face doesn’t change, As mine grows older. Same, same old story. Same, same old pair. Same, same old smiles. Same, same old love. Same superficial relentless unfeeling statuesque shop dolly. Who has a heartbeat. I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had. - Gary Jules, Mad World. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Courtney - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"Pity, pity you look right through me, As I wave enthusiastically." I would love to steal that line. *chuckle* I'm not kidding. How much d'ya want?  nice |
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silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand |
ouch dude u keep em coming dont you brilliant. absolutely brilliant. also sounded like a song... loved it LOR put your frustrations into four letter words - incubus |
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aussie teen Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 396Australia |
this is beautiful..... the repetition is used perfectly as if you werent sure of what you were trying to say as you wrote this or as if you were trying to say it but were struggling to get everything out... well done amazing.... just amazing. Ruth live life as if your going to die tomorow....... but love as if your going to live forever...... |
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green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
As you tread lightly, trampling my lust, I loved this poem and this line stuck out a little more than the others. Thats something about this site is the poetry here is mostly awe-striking. I guess poems like this is why I keep coming here. This poem is beautiful. -GIS He has made everything beautiful in its own time. -Ecclesiastes 3:11 |
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Purity Senior Member
since 2001-11-20
Posts 526Once Upon, USA |
"Love rolls off the tongue as easily as goodbye"... yep! How "ouch" it is... Great one, Hollow! Wings bruised from turning away in such confined space...Not broken...still healable...still feathered with life, somewhere |
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
wow clever and amazingly written good gooooood stuff *sigh*i feel so p[rivileged to be apart of this site, and just to be amongst all you amazing writers love and empathy darkness  nirvana means freedom from pain, suffering and the external world. |
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EveGnosis Member
since 2002-02-21
Posts 300New York, USA |
"Same superficial relentless unfeeling statuesque shop dolly." god, what a line! this was pristine, h_e! i'll always need a friend, one i can defend. |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
I have to agree with Karen here: Pity, pity you look right through me, As I wave enthusiastically. Maybe we can barter for that line, eh? *smile* Beautiful writing. |
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River Senior Member
since 2003-09-16
Posts 627my own little world |
This poem is as equally gripping as the title nice job here Hollow! I liked the repitition. Kewl.- River "Stained by the sun, I can see colors...colors of mercy washing over me." - 3 Minutes From Home |
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